#IT'S THE ENTIRE FORUMS... CAN YOU GUYS SAY ANYTHING INTERESTING PLEASE

[risingsunresistance]

i think next time alpha is open, they should add the wither scrolls to centauri but remove the hyperion. just to make all these guys on the forums REALLY mad

[estapa-edwards]

Sunshine was so pretty and cute! Can I request anything with golden retriever boy (you decide) x black cat reader please?

BLACK CAT - W.SMITH

paring: will smith x reader

word count: 3.1

requested? yes

warnings: use of y/n.

I aged them up, will didn't sign yet!

*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨*

I always preferred the library to the hockey rink. There’s a certain comfort in the quiet rustling of pages, the soft hum of the air conditioning, and the knowledge that within these walls, I could be anyone, go anywhere, without ever having to leave my seat. That’s why, when I heard the raucous cheering coming from the direction of the Conte Forum, I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. Another game, another excuse for the entire campus to lose its collective mind over a bunch of guys chasing a puck around on ice. 

I’m a sophomore at Boston College. My friends like to joke that I’m a black cat in human form—aloof, independent, and not easily impressed. It’s not that I dislike people; I just prefer my own company, or that of a good book, over the chaos that seems to follow my classmates around.

So, when I found myself outside the Conte Forum on that frigid January night, it wasn’t by choice. I was on my way to the library, my sanctuary, when a particularly loud cheer broke through the stillness of the evening. I paused for a moment, glancing at the entrance where students were streaming in, faces alight with excitement. Hockey was a big deal here, and the star of the team, Will Smith, was practically a campus legend.

I had heard of Will Smith, of course. It was impossible not to. He was the golden boy of Boston College hockey, a junior who had been racking up goals and assists since his freshman year. He had the kind of charisma that made people gravitate towards him—a golden retriever personality, as my friend Lucy liked to say. Always smiling, always friendly, and somehow always surrounded by a crowd of admirers.

I, on the other hand, was the complete opposite. Where he was outgoing, I was reserved. Where he was the life of the party, I was the shadow in the corner, quietly observing. I had no interest in the Will Smiths of the world. But fate, it seemed, had other plans.

--- --- --- 

I was deep into my third cup of coffee and the sixth chapter of my history textbook when I heard the commotion. The library was usually a haven of peace, but tonight it was invaded by the victorious chants and laughter of the hockey team. The door swung open, and there he was, Will Smith, flanked by his teammates, all of them still in their jerseys, exuding an infectious energy that shattered the quiet.

I tried to ignore them, burying my face deeper into my book, but it was no use. They were loud, and Will was at the center of it all, his laughter ringing out above the rest. I glanced up, just for a moment, and our eyes met. He smiled—of course, he did—and I quickly looked away, hoping he hadn’t noticed me. No such luck.

“Hey, you!” he called out, striding over to my table. “Y/N, right?”

I blinked, taken aback. “Yes?”

“I’m Will,” he said, as if I didn’t already know. “Mind if I join you?”

I did mind, actually, but I couldn’t find the words to say it. Before I could respond, he had pulled out a chair and sat down, his teammates scattering to other parts of the library. I stared at him, wondering what on earth he wanted with me.

“I’ve seen you around,” he said, leaning forward with that disarming grin of his. “You’re always so focused. What are you studying?”

“History,” I replied curtly, hoping he’d get the hint and leave me alone.

“Cool,” he said, unfazed by my lack of enthusiasm. “I’m a business major, but I’ve always thought history was interesting. So many stories, you know?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Why was he here, talking to me of all people?

“Listen,” he said after a moment, his tone more serious. “I know you probably don’t care about hockey, but I wanted to invite you to our next game. It’s this Friday, and I think you’d have a good time.”

I almost laughed. “Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s exciting,” he said simply. “And I think you could use a little excitement in your life.”

His words stung, and I bristled. “I’m perfectly happy with my life, thank you very much.”

He held up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, okay. No offense meant. Just thought I’d ask.”

“Well, now you’ve asked,” I said, closing my book with a definitive snap. “And my answer is no.”

Will studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Fair enough. But if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me.”

I watched as he got up and rejoined his friends, their laughter fading as they left the library. I sighed, trying to shake off the strange encounter and refocus on my studies. But I couldn’t help feeling a tiny spark of curiosity about the boy with the golden smile and relentless optimism

--- --- --- 

Over the next few weeks, I couldn’t seem to escape Will Smith. He was everywhere—at the library, the dining hall, even in some of my classes. It was as if he had made it his mission to be a part of my life, whether I wanted him there or not.

“Hey, Y/N!” he’d call out, waving enthusiastically whenever he saw me. “How’s it going?”

I’d nod politely, giving the bare minimum of a response before retreating back into my shell. But he was undeterred, always ready with a joke, a smile, or a casual comment that somehow managed to brighten my day, despite my best efforts to ignore him.

One afternoon, as I was leaving my literature class, I found him waiting outside the door. “Walk you to your next class?” he asked, falling into step beside me before I could refuse.

“Why are you doing this?” I finally asked, unable to contain my curiosity any longer.

“Doing what?”

“Trying to be my friend,” I said, stopping in my tracks to face him. “We’re nothing alike. You’re… you, and I’m me. It doesn’t make sense.”

Will shrugged, his smile softening. “Maybe I like a challenge. Or maybe I see something in you that you don’t see in yourself.”

I frowned, not knowing how to respond to that. He seemed so genuine, so earnest, that it was hard to stay annoyed with him. “Well, I don’t need a friend,” I said finally. “Especially not one like you.”

He looked momentarily hurt but quickly recovered, that infuriating grin back in place. “Okay. But I’m not giving up that easily.”

With that, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, more confused than ever. Why was he so determined to be a part of my life? And why did a part of me secretly enjoy his attention?

--- --- --- 

Despite my best efforts to keep my distance, Will’s persistence began to wear me down. He’d show up at the library with coffee, sit with me in the dining hall, and even convinced me to study with him a few times. He was always so upbeat, so positive, that it was hard not to be affected by his energy.

One Friday night, I found myself at a loose end. My usual plans had fallen through, and I was sitting in my dorm room, feeling unusually restless. I remembered Will’s invitation to the hockey game and, against my better judgment, decided to go. Maybe a change of scenery would do me good.

The arena was packed. I found a seat towards the back, hoping to remain unnoticed. The game was fast-paced and intense, and for the first time, I understood why people loved it so much. The players moved with a grace and precision that was mesmerizing, and the crowd’s energy was infectious.

Will was, unsurprisingly, the star of the show. He skated with a confidence and skill that left me in awe. Watching him, I felt a strange mix of pride and admiration. He looked up at the stands at one point, and our eyes met. He grinned and waved, and I felt a warmth spread through me that I couldn’t explain.

After the final buzzer sounded and the team secured their victory, the crowd erupted into cheers. I watched as Will and his teammates celebrated on the ice, the sheer joy on his face unmistakable. Part of me wanted to stay, to congratulate him in person, but the other part—the part that feared getting too close, too fast—won out.

I slipped out of the arena, blending into the crowd of students heading back to their dorms or out to celebrate. The cool night air was a stark contrast to the heat and noise of the rink, and I breathed deeply, trying to steady the fluttering in my chest. My footsteps echoed in the quiet as I made my way back to my dorm, lost in thought.

Later that night, as I was curled up with a book, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Will.

Will: Hey, I saw you at the game tonight! Thanks for coming 😊

I stared at the screen, my heart pounding. I hesitated for a moment before typing my reply.

Me: You played really well. Congrats on the win!

His response came almost immediately.

Will: Thanks! It means a lot that you were there. Can we meet up tomorrow? I’d love to talk.

I bit my lip, uncertainty gnawing at me. But I couldn’t deny that part of me wanted to see him, to hear what he had to say.

Me: Okay. How about the coffee shop on campus? Around 10 AM?

Will: Perfect. See you then!

I set my phone down, my mind racing. What did he want to talk about? And why was I so nervous about it? As I lay in bed that night, I couldn’t shake the feeling that tomorrow’s conversation would change everything 

--- --- --- 

The next morning, I arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes early, my stomach in knots. I found a quiet corner table and ordered a latte, hoping it would help calm my nerves. As I stirred my drink absentmindedly, I saw Will walk in, his eyes scanning the room until they landed on me. He smiled, that same disarming smile that had started to chip away at my defenses.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said, sitting down across from me. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“No problem,” I replied, trying to sound casual. “Congrats again on the game. You were amazing out there.”

He chuckled, a hint of a blush creeping up his cheeks. “Thanks. It was a good night.”

There was a brief, awkward silence, and I took a sip of my latte, waiting for him to speak. He seemed nervous, which was unlike him, and it only made me more anxious.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” he said finally, looking me in the eye. “I know I’ve been kind of persistent lately, and I hope I haven’t made you uncomfortable.”

I shook my head. “No, you haven’t. It’s just… I’m not used to people like you.”

“People like me?” he echoed, raising an eyebrow.

“Outgoing, popular, always the center of attention,” I explained. “I’m more of a background kind of person.”

Will nodded, his expression thoughtful. “I get that. And I’m not trying to change you, Y/N. I like you for who you are. I just… I want to get to know you better. Be your friend.”

His sincerity caught me off guard, and I felt a lump form in my throat. “Why me?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Because you’re different,” he said simply. “You’re smart, kind, and you see the world in a way that I don’t. I think we could learn a lot from each other.”

I looked down at my hands, feeling a mix of emotions. Part of me was still wary, afraid of getting hurt. But another part of me, the part that had started to warm up to him, wanted to take a chance.

“Okay,” I said finally, meeting his gaze. “Let’s give it a try.”

Will’s face lit up with a smile that made my heart flutter. “Great. So, friends?”

I nodded, a small smile tugging at my lips. “Friends.

--- --- --- 

Our coffee outings became a regular thing. Will was easy to talk to, and I found myself opening up to him in ways I hadn’t with anyone else. He had a way of making me feel comfortable, of drawing me out of my shell without pushing too hard.

One evening, as we were walking back to campus, he asked me about my family. It was a subject I rarely talked about, but with Will, it felt natural.

“My parents are divorced,” I said quietly. “I live with my mom, and we’re close. My dad… not so much.”

Will nodded, his expression sympathetic. “That sounds tough. My parents are still together, but I can’t imagine what it would be like if they weren’t.”

“It’s not easy,” I admitted. “But you get used to it. My mom’s amazing, and she’s always been there for me.”

He smiled, a soft, understanding smile that made my heart ache in a way I didn’t quite understand. “I’m glad you have her. And you know, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.”

I nodded, feeling a warmth spread through me. “Thanks, Will. That means a lot.”

As the weeks went by, our friendship deepened. We spent more and more time together, and I found myself looking forward to our meetings. Will was like a ray of sunshine in my otherwise quiet life, and I began to realize that maybe, just maybe, I was starting to like him as more than a friend.

It was a crisp spring evening when it happened. We were sitting on a bench in the campus park, watching the sunset. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers, and the sky was a canvas of vibrant colors.

“Y/N,” Will said softly, turning to face me. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

My heart skipped a beat. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath, his eyes searching mine. “I like you. More than a friend. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

I stared at him, my mind racing. I had suspected it, of course, but hearing him say it out loud was different. It made it real.

“I know we’re different,” he continued, his voice steady. “But I think that’s what makes us work. You balance me out, and I like to think I bring a little light into your life.”

He was right, of course. He did bring light into my life, and I had come to cherish it. But I was scared—scared of what it would mean to let him in completely.

“I don’t know, Will,” I said finally, my voice trembling. “I’m not like you. I don’t know if I can be what you need.”

He reached out and took my hand, his touch warm and reassuring. “You don’t have to be anything other than yourself, Y/N. That’s all I want. Just you.”

I looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and hope there. Maybe it was time to take a leap of faith, to let myself believe in the possibility of something more.

“Okay,” I whispered, a smile spreading across my face. “Let’s give it a try.”

Will’s face lit up with joy, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy, and I knew that whatever happened, we’d face it together.

--- --- --- 

It was a crisp spring evening when it happened. We were sitting on a bench in the campus park, watching the sunset. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers, and the sky was a canvas of vibrant colors.

“Y/N,” Will said softly, turning to face me. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

My heart skipped a beat. “What is it?”

He took a deep breath, his eyes searching mine. “I like you. More than a friend. I’ve liked you for a long time.”

I stared at him, my mind racing. I had suspected it, of course, but hearing him say it out loud was different. It made it real.

“I know we’re different,” he continued, his voice steady. “But I think that’s what makes us work. You balance me out, and I like to think I bring a little light into your life.”

He was right, of course. He did bring light into my life, and I had come to cherish it. But I was scared—scared of what it would mean to let him in completely.

“I don’t know, Will,” I said finally, my voice trembling. “I’m not like you. I don’t know if I can be what you need.”

He reached out and took my hand, his touch warm and reassuring. “You don’t have to be anything other than yourself, Y/N. That’s all I want. Just you.”

I looked into his eyes, seeing the sincerity and hope there. Maybe it was time to take a leap of faith, to let myself believe in the possibility of something more.

“Okay,” I whispered, a smile spreading across my face. “Let’s give it a try.”

Will’s face lit up with joy, and he pulled me into a tight embrace. For the first time in a long time, I felt truly happy, and I knew that whatever happened, we’d face it together.

As we pulled back, I caught his gaze, and something shifted in the air between us. The world seemed to hold its breath, the only sound the gentle rustling of leaves in the breeze. Slowly, almost tentatively, Will leaned in closer, his eyes never leaving mine.

Time seemed to slow as his lips brushed mine, softly at first, then with more certainty. The kiss was sweet and tender, filled with all the emotions we’d been holding back. I closed my eyes, losing myself in the moment, feeling a warmth spread through me that chased away all my doubts and fears.

When we finally pulled apart, we were both breathless, our foreheads resting against each other. Will’s eyes were bright with happiness and something deeper, something that mirrored my own feelings.

“Wow,” he murmured, a smile tugging at his lips. “That was…”

“Amazing,” I finished for him, my voice barely more than a whisper.

He laughed softly, his breath warm against my skin. “Yeah, it was.”

We sat there for a while longer, wrapped up in each other, the world around us fading into the background. In that moment, I knew that we had taken the first step toward something beautiful and enduring. And for the first time, I felt ready to embrace whatever the future held, as long as it included Will by my side.

[luckystar2025]

Kagami: (raising an eyebrow) "Alright, what are you up to now?"

Konata: (grinning) "Posting on a forum."

Kagami: "A forum? What year is this, 2006?"

Konata: "Exactly! Forums are back, baby! No more algorithm-controlled feeds, no more endless doomscrolling, just good old-fashioned nerds yelling at each other in long, badly formatted posts."

Kagami: (crossing arms) "So basically, Reddit?"

Konata: (scoffs) "Reddit? Please. Too many normies now. Forums are pure. Real internet culture. You’ve got dedicated threads, signatures, custom avatars… And best of all—" (dramatic pause) "—no influencers."

Tsukasa: (cheerfully) "Ooh! Does it have those little dancing banana emojis?"

Konata: "Of course! And a guy whose profile pic is just a pixelated skull who only posts in dark red text."

Kagami: "Okay, but what’s actually different from social media?"

Konata: "No algorithms. No ‘for you’ pages. Just posts in chronological order—like the internet should be."

Kagami: (skeptical) "So basically an ancient group chat?"

Konata: "No, because people respect the rules. We’ve got mods with actual power. Not like Twitter where people just block you—oh, sorry, ‘X, formerly Twitter.’"

Tsukasa: (innocently) "I got banned from a forum once."

Kagami: (surprised) "Wait, you got banned?"

Tsukasa: (nervous laugh) "Yeah… I posted in the wrong section and then tried to apologize, but that counted as ‘off-topic posting,’ so I got perma-banned."

Konata: (nodding) "Classic. That’s how you know it’s a real forum. Merciless mods. No second chances. You break the rules, you’re out."

Kagami: "And that’s… good?"

Konata: "It keeps things organized! Unlike social media, where everything is just memes, rage bait, and people trying to sell you something. Forums are for discussions."

Miyuki: (smiling) "It is true that forums promote structured conversations, which can lead to more in-depth discussions compared to short-form social media posts."

Kagami: "Okay, fine, but wasn’t the whole reason forums died because they were full of weirdos gatekeeping everything?"

Konata: (grinning) "And you say that like it’s a bad thing?"

Kagami: (groaning) "You are one of the weirdos, aren’t you?"

Konata: (proudly) "Oh, absolutely. I even became a forum mod."

Kagami: (horrified) "No… No, no, no, they gave you power?"

Tsukasa: (clapping) "Yay, Konata! What do you do as a mod?"

Konata: (sinister grin) "I enforce the rules."

Miyuki: (adjusting glasses) "May I ask what kind of forum it is?"

Konata: "Oh, it’s an anime and gaming forum. But we only allow discussion of anime from 2000-2010. Anything after that is considered ‘off-topic content.’"

Kagami: "That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard."

Konata: (mock offense) "It’s called preserving culture, Kagamin! If we let people post about new stuff, next thing you know, we’ll have Zoomers in here saying Demon Slayer is the best anime ever!"

Kagami: "Oh no, not different opinions! How awful!"

Konata: (ignoring her) "Besides, forums are better because you get reputation points. Look, I already have 200 upvotes for my thread on why Haruhi Suzumiya is still peak fiction."

Kagami: "So you reinvented Reddit karma."

Konata: (pausing) "…No. It’s totally different."

Tsukasa: "Oh! Can I make an account?"

Konata: "Sure! Just read the entire rulebook first. It’s only 34 pages long."

Tsukasa: (deflating) "Oh… Maybe later…"

Kagami: "So let me get this straight—you made a time capsule of the mid-2000s internet, enforce ridiculous rules, and think that’s better than modern platforms?"

Konata: "Exactly!"

Miyuki: "It is an interesting phenomenon. As social media becomes more centralized and commercialized, users seek alternative spaces that feel more personal and community-driven. Forums provide that sense of exclusivity."

Kagami: (deadpan) "Miyuki, please don’t justify her nonsense with actual analysis."

Konata: (laughing) "Too late! Forums are the future!"

Tsukasa: (brightly) "Wait, if forums are coming back… does that mean Neopets is cool again?"

Konata: "Oh, Tsukasa… It was always cool."

Kagami: (groaning) "I’m leaving."

[cinderblackwrites]

Rebellious Transparency

I think I was 17 going on 18 years old when BTS first made their debut. At that time I was still very active when it came to Kpop, Korean dramas and anything that had to do with the Korean entertainment business. I was learning new things every day at a rapid speed and I was consuming more media, probably, than I had ever done in my entire life. I was drawn to it like a lot of foreign watchers. It's a hard thing to explain and is more of a feeling you get when you see it. Experience it.

I wasn't like some dedicated kpop fans, though, who got to know the idols pre-debut. I learned that there are some people who actively know what's going on even before the companies reveal things. I was never like that. It was too much work for something that I knew would come eventually. I had a lot more patience back then even though I was young. Different priorities. I didn't even join community forums or anything. Around this time I think I was actively listening to SHinee, Super Junior, Girls Generation, B1A4, EXO and Infinite to name a few.

(As I'm typing this I'm babysitting my nieces and nephew who are all under the age of 5 so I'm trying to get my thoughts out properly. Please bare with me 😭)

There were so many talented artists at the time and I wanted to learn about them all, but it was tough. As most of you probably know, Korea has dozens and dozens of Korean artists and it's nearly impossible to listened to them all. Naturally, I ended up listening to the more popular bands. Most of them being apart of the biggest companies in kpop (you guys know who they are right?). I would call it a miracle that I ran into BTS but that would be a lie. If I hadn't discovered them during their debut, I would have definitely found them either way.

There was something about them that just stood out. I'm a hip hop girl. I love rap, r&b, soul, all of that. It's what I grew up with, so people who have that type of style always peeks my interest. When I go back and watch their debut music video I can tell how hard they were going to make a good impression. Their outfits, their dancing. It was all very flashy and over-the-top, but in a good way. A fun way. We all knew there was something special about them. At the time I only had my little sister to talk to about them. We watched EVERYthing they did. They were very open with their fans. They always did Bangtan Bombs on youtube and would share their thoughts and feelings a lot. I think that's one big reason why so many fans got attached. People enjoy transparency. It makes them feel like they're more than fans. Like we are all friends. I know that probably sounds strange to a lot of people, but it's similar to Twitch streamers. The more interaction, the closer people get to one another. It can't be helped.

That transparency is why I decided to create this post in the first place.

There is a line. An invisible and sometimes blurred line between performer and audience. Sometimes it's not always clear. Maybe the performer doesn't realize they need to set boundaries, maybe the audience doesn't realize when they're crossing a line, but the distinction is there. Though you might think you know everything as an audience member because you've watched so much about your favorite performer/entertainer/artist, etc., you don't know everything. They aren't friends that you can contact every day, they aren't family members you've grown up in the same house with, and whether most of us like it or not, we know more about them than they know about us. Imagine trying to truly befriend someone you know nothing about. It's a wild thought, so it wouldn't be easy for an artist to do that. But, I think there must still be a strong bond artists have with their audience. It's a very complex relationship.

I could talk about this all day and night if need be, but I say all of this to bring up BTS' very own maknae JungKook. There's a lot I could say about him. He's always been extremely talented with dancing and singing. Like the other members, his talent has only grown over the years, and because I haven't kept up with BTS as often as I used to, I blinked and all of a sudden he went from a baby to a full grown man. He's 26? How lol Either way, he's all grown up, and with his new single out, he's definitely telling people straight up that he's an adult.

I know a lot of people were shocked after hearing the explicit version of his new song. I like watching reaction videos so everyone, even foreign watchers were shocked by what he said. Most weren't shocked in a bad way, but were more thinking, "Is he allowed to say that?" "His company allowed it?" Things like that. We're so used to the strict rules in Kpop, that something like this seems impossible. But, many people joked about it in a positive way. Most people thought the explicit version was even better than the clean version. I honestly like both. I'm not bothered by it.

After listening to the song I got curious though. I saw a recommended video where Jungkook was doing a weverse live, and I started to wonder what his thought process was. He's always been a rebel. He learned that well from just being in a group of rebels. We all know the Rap Line: Suga, RM, and J-hope. They always did their own thing and were really deep in their songs. How could Jungkook not learn from that? Not to mention that BTS as a whole has a lot of songs that went against the norms of kpop. It's only natural for him to be who he is. It's almost hypocritical for fans to say that he shouldn't be talking like this, or getting piercings and tattoos and stuff. This is who he is. This is what he's always known.

I'm always drawn to deep thinkers. I can't help it. Some people call themselves empaths: a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them. I don't really go too deep into stuff like that, but I'm definitely sensitive to the feelings of others. Sometimes to the point where I get mentally exhausted from it. Deep thinkers do that to me, but they're so fascinating that I can't help but listen to what they have to say. I can name two other Korean artists that are like this for me. Christian Yu and B.I (formally known for being in IKON). Their streams are very intense for me. They are so open and honest about almost everything, and I'm a deep thinker myself, so without noticing it I start thinking deeply along with them lol

Sometimes it makes me laugh when they are going on about a deep topic and then you read the comments in the live and someone says something like, "Oppa you look hot in that shirt". I'm just like, "Are ya'll not listening to this man at all 😂 But I guess that can't be helped.

Anyway, back to Jungkook. He's another one that has so many DEEP thoughts. I've never seen any of his weverse lives before, so I watched a few one after the other. He is so freakin honest about what he's thinking. It's wild. Whenever someone calls him out about something they don't like, he calls them out. If something is bothering him he just says it. If there's a personal story of him and the members having an argument he tells it. He's different. Like really, in comparison to other idols. A rebel through and through. It's fascinating.

He recently did a weverse live where he talked about how he's feeling now that the promotion for his new single is done. It's a very good live. He brings up a lot of touchy subjects including people being upset about the explicit version of his song, why it's important for him and his fans to have a more casual friendship, and how he wants to be himself even if that means doing things his company doesn't agree with. Knowing a bit about who he is now from his lives, I'm really curious what kinds of things he'll express in his upcoming album. I'm wondering how much more he'll show to everyone. In a way I really like this honesty and openness, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a bit worried. I can tell there are a lot of things he wants to do, a lot of things he wants to say but he can't for the sake of his band members and his company.

In one of his lives he mentions that he wants to hang out with the ARMY and go out for drinks one day without the company knowing. It was in a joking manner, but I personally think that sounds like a fun idea. I've heard a lot of older youtubers say they've done that before. Just casually having a drink with fans and talking about life. But fans, especially BTS fans are a bit wild, especially now, so idk how that would work without things getting a bit messy. Jungkook likes having fun that's for sure. He sees that line that he's not supposed to cross and casually strolls over it 😂 I honestly hope he can have that drink with the Armys one day, and I can't wait to see what he does next.

[astaroth1357]

Ok but like, what if MC's fandom starts to make ships with MC and the guys. Just think about the ship wars, the fancams, the fanarts, the absolute CHAOS when the brothers find out. It would be even worse if they start shipping MC with the undatables, one day everything is normal and the next day there are ship wars fighting over MC x Barbatos vs MC x Solomon (who are both very smug about it)

The MC's Fanclub are… Shippers?!

Perhaps… The italics blurb has been fulfilling its greater purpose all along…? Perhaps in its state of existential angst, it has in fact developed a plot of its own… An arc of introspection and self-discovery in which its own longing for purpose has forged a meaningful identity… It now has… a story…

Lucifer

As if they couldn't get any MORE frustrating…

He's not an otaku. He's not a part of ship culture. He's not even sure why anyone would care about who dates who around this school, but apparently it's a big deal to some people...

He only became aware of their interest in him and the MC's relationship through some very… subtle clues…

Like the groups that would follow them around in the hallways with their phones out.

Or the multitude of fan rumors about their relationship that Satan spams him with from time to time just to irritate him.

"MC refused hug from Luci in halls today!! Are they bout breakup??? 🥺"

"Tots got pic of kiss today!! Relationship upgrade??"

"IS ARE MC+LUCIFER SECET LVRS?!? PLEASE RESPOND"

It only got worse after he found out the MC gets shipped out a loooooot….

If he had to pick his least favorite ship, it'd be MC x Mammon. He can kind of see it with any of his other brothers (admittedly, Levi is also a little mystifying) but the idea of them ending up with Mammon makes his skin crawl...

He once found a drawing of the MC and Mammon in an… explicit position in one of the classrooms and he was so disgusted that he wouldn’t even touch it. He just set fire to the paper outright. Disgusting...

Mammon

Shipping, eh…? More money making opportunities!

Has some passing idea of what shipping is from Levi and, from what he knows of it, shippers eat cutesy couples stuff right up!! If all he's got to do to make bank is to look all couple-y around the MC then sounds like a win-win to him!

He'll happily pose for a photo or two (paid in advance) of him throwing his arm around the MC or something. Want him to hold their hand? Sure thing!

But since this is still Mammon we're talking about, the second MC actually starts getting into any of it he'll still turn into a blushy, stuttery mess...

For WEEKS the headline picture on so many of their fans' blogs was an image of him turning beet red while the MC kissed him on the cheek. (A fan really got their money's worth there... 😏)

Though he doesn’t exactly like the MC getting shipped with other people, he'll still totally sell pictures of any of them together. He almost paid off an entire credit card with the money he got from the t-shirt sales of the MC and Satan!

If he had to point to one ship he doesn't like it's either MC x Asmo or MC x Levi. His opinion, but Asmo won't treat them right and they could do waaay better than a shut-in. Like him. Ship the MC with just the Great Mammon, got it?

Leviathan

… Lowkey super active in the MC shipping community but is a self-shipper to the extreme.

Like, he never uses his real name on anything (and would probably die from embarrassment if anyone ever found out) but a lot of their fans probably know a couple of his aliases.

He does everything from mod forums, runs a couple blogs, even anonymously posts his own work of him and MC that are totally not his secret fantasy dates or AU versions of themselves, shaddup.

It’s a lot easier for him to keep his involvement secret because he’s hardly at RAD, but the few times he does show up he tries to keep an eye out for anybody prowling for pictures so he can get in a good pose and save the image later.

Mind you, his version of a “good pose” rarely gets more spicy than linking pinkies, but even then he’s still lit up a Christmas Tree throughout.

Naturally, he’s also not a big fan of any ships that aren’t just him and MC and he can find a reason to be jealous at almost anything. But he keeps a special corner of hate for MC x Mammon and MC x Diavolo. Like, the first one doesn’t even need an explanation but MC x Diavolo?? Really??? Do those two even talk?? (please, please, please make sure they never actually talk because a guy like him versus literal royalty? He’d lose MC for sure….!! 😫)

Satan

He hates to actually agree with Lucifer on something, but their fans are starting to get out of hand...

Knows what shipping is in concept, he may have done it once or twice to characters in his books, but he was kind of surprised how it could evolve into such a… group activity?

He was pretty quick to pick up that the MC’s fans had a bit more interest in them together than they did when they both were apart…

I mean, those hideous shirts that Mammon was pedaling were kind of a dead giveaway…

Considering he finds their fanclub all rather annoying, even without their bizarre interest in his love life, when they started actively meddling with him and the MC he was ready to smash some heads.

No. He will not stop for pictures. No. What things they do together is none of your business. No. He has zero interest in seeing your explicit fanart and if you don’t start running that will be the last question you ever ask.

He DOES, however, appreciate the cringy “annoy Lucifer” ammo. They could keep that up for a lifetime... 😏

He doesn’t have a least favorite ship because he doesn’t care about any of this, leave him alone. (That’s a lie, it’s MC x Lucifer. He pokes fun at Lucifer, but he can’t stand it either. Big shock, I know 🙄).

Asmodeus 

Oh he is shamelessly a part of the community, are you kidding?? 

He could practically call “Shipping the MC” one of his favorite pastimes. He’ll openly gossip with their fanclub about who they’ve been with, who they’re seeing, who’s got a chance, etc… He lives for this shit!

He’s the only person who knows that Levi is also in the community and what his aliases are (not because he told him, but because Levi’s not as subtle as he thinks he is… Who else would call themselves “SupremeRuri666” and speak mostly in outdated chat lingo?) but he doesn’t out him because he thinks his very obvious crush is kind of cute. 

Plus, Levi needs the outlet waaaay more than him…

Doesn’t stop him from constantly trolling him and getting into arguments over who the MC would be better with though (the two are “virtual nemeses” as far as Levi is concerned).

Appreciates all forms of expression that comes out of the community (especially the saucy kind 😏) and will happily feed into his own shippers without a care in the world.

Truthfully, Asmo will say that there isn’t a ship he doesn’t like but if someone mentions one that he thinks is kind of “eh,” he’ll just add himself into the mix. “Oh, you like MC x Barbatos? Well how about Asmo x MC x Barbatos? That sounds loads more interesting doesn’t it??”

Beelzebub 

Oh, Beel… Sweet, sweet Beel… Beel doesn’t even know what their club is doing…

Because Beel has a reputation of being pretty protective of MC - and against the fanclub in general - the club keeps a healthy distance… but that doesn’t mean they’re not going to sneak in some picture or make a SHITLOAD of fanwork about them.

Between classes and practice Beel is a busy guy, so sometimes he just doesn’t notice that there’s people hiding behind trees when he’s out with MC. 

Honestly, his complete ignorance of it all makes it even cuter because when he acts sweet, it’s not just for the camera. That’s the real deal.

Mammon was the one who eventually let it slip that there was even shipping happening and Beel was… kind of creeped out because isn’t this stalking? But also kind of weirdly happy(?) that MC x Beel was so popular… Very conflicted boy here.

He never actually acknowledges the community, though, and just keeps on being Beel (which still gave the fans more than enough material so all’s well that ends well?)

Beel genuinely doesn’t have a least favorite ship (because he believes the best ship is whoever makes the MC happy) but his second favorite under himself is probably MC x Belphie. They look very cute together...  😊

Belphegor 

Ride or die, Beel x MC x Belphie. 

Just kidding (kind of), Belphie isn’t into the shipping but if asked he’d be pretty okay with that one.

His campaign against the MC’s fanclub and their attention stealing ways means that he found out about their shipping thing only slightly ahead of Beel when Mammon was trying to get pictures of them napping together…

Honestly, he couldn’t care less if a bunch of weirdos were weirdly invested in their relationship, but he’s not about to let Mammon just make a quick Grimm off of it. Belphie makes sure that he gives him NOTHING to work with. 

Since Mammon is the main dealer, the shippers in both the MC fanclub and Belphie fanclub aren’t nearly as well fed and pretty desperate for anything... You best believe he plays that to his advantage (because it’s okay if he does. He’s not Mammon).

Really helps that MC x Belphie is legitimately a very cute looking couple, carried by Belphie’s cuteness alone if nothing else. Add an adorable MC and you reach levels so cute it could actually melt people into puddles of goo... They could be a registered weapon.

Least favorite MC ships are any that don’t involve him or Beel. Any others may as well just not exist, he won’t even acknowledge them. MC x Who? Yeah, that’s what he thought.

[1kook]

ZOOM CALL

⇢ meeting two

jeon jungkook x (f) reader

⇢ series masterlist

summary: Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group. genre: fluff, slice of life, smut (tags tba) warnings: ITS A SLOW BURN OKAY...., sweetheart jk, campus crush jk, college crushes, social distancing, zoom -_-, jk owns a keroppi plush, oc thirsts over his hot bod, jk’s sweet attempts at flirting </3 he’s just 2 cute for his own good ratings: e for everyone <3 wc: 3.7k

notes: this took long bc i wrote one version but it was SO LAME u guys r lucky my friend and editor ( @kigurumu​ 🖤 ) stopped me from posting it. so then i had to reorganize my thoughts n b like girl. the ppl are waiting. get it together. anyway here’s zoom jk 😎

Being grouped with Jeon Jungkook (he/him) for your first class on the first day of your first Zoom semester truly sets the standard.

By no means do your other classes suck; they’re quite enjoyable, more relevant to your area of study. They’re familiar which makes them comfortable, your Zoom meetings filled with faces you’ve seen time and time again the last four years. The material interests you, so you definitely don’t have anything against them or your classmates. 

That being said, no one is prepared for the awkwardness that comes with each and every Zoom meeting. You never thought you’d be embarrassed to turn your mic on— to speak in a class filled with your peers. And the meetings are all like that, filled with uncomfortable silences and endless black screens. 

You wish there was a Jeon Jungkook (he/him) in every class. 

Jungkook’s just got this bubbly aura to him, this magnetic presence that staples itself into the back of your mind with each passing day. No one fills a Zoom call like he does, making every person laugh and smile like him. 

Wednesday rolls around and you find yourself a little disheartened when you don’t get sorted into the same randomized group as him again. Disappointment melts into annoyance when you find out how incompetent your other classmates are, refusing to speak in the small group or just completely clocking out all together. A lot of them didn’t do the reading— the one you stayed up all night doing —and your first partnered assignment of the semester finds you doing it all by yourself. Muted mics, black windows, complete radio silence; you hated it all. 

You find yourself weirdly longing for Jeon Jungkook’s presence, even if he’s only there to talk about some movie he saw last night. No one is as much of a chatterbox as him, can’t even hold a candle to the way he draws everyone in with his mindless conversations. At least he speaks during Breakout Rooms, you think bitterly. 

Anyway, the first week of classes ends and your brain is a frenzied mess. There’s schedules to memorize, professors to impress, assignments to plan out. There’s definitely no time to sit around and fantasize about the curly haired cutie in one of your general classes. The weekend is spent trying to organize your planner, filling in due dates and exam days ahead of time. It’s your last semester and you’re dead set on making it your best one yet. There’s a lot of written work this time around, analyses and research papers that need to be organized. The road ahead is manageable, but you’ll have to work hard to keep it that way for the next five months. 

Most notably, there’s one group project waiting for you, which leads you to Friday. Sitting at your desk, bright and early, absolutely dreading being assigned to your group.

Jungkook is early this time, not like on Monday where he’d been one of the last to filter in, and he’s looking as chirpy as ever. Donning this horrendously hot pink shirt, completely unlike the neutral tones he’d worn during your last two meetings and that decorate his room, and the cutest pair of circle glasses sitting on his nose. He says his regularly scheduled ‘good morning’ to you all and receives a collective response from the rest of the class that not even your professor got. 

Speaking of the professor, you’ve been giving him the stink eye this whole time. Not that he can tell, given the fact he’s probably miles away in his own home while you angrily glare at him through your webcam. It’s this old guy who’s decided to sort you all into semester long groups for the class, which is the absolute worst. These types of groups always go the same way: you make a group chat promising to study together, those plans fall through, and then everyone just leeches off of each other for homework answers. And in most cases, it’s you handing over your homework answers because no one else ever bothers to do anything. Sadly, it’s a routine you’ve had to suffer through many times in your academic career. 

The thought makes you sick. Having to spend another semester being labeled as the bossy, nerdy dictator of the group? Not exactly how you wanted to spend the last few months of college, but there’s nothing you can do. Maybe this time around you’ll just let it be, won’t fight it (and by it, you mean your lazy classmates when they inevitably try to guilt trip you for homework) and simply let it run its course. 

“I’m going to put you guys into Breakout Rooms with your new groups!” your professor claps excitedly, and then you and the rest of your classmates are forced to watch him lean too close to the camera as he begins clicking around to find the preset groups he’s assigned the class. “Remember, guys, this is it for the rest of the semester. So if something isn’t right, let me know by the end of today.” 

Man, this was going to suck, you groan. The syllabus had said that the purpose of these groups was to keep you all connected with your classmates during these trying times, to give you the same opportunities in-person learning would. Frankly, you’re not too worried about making friends with everyone in this large class. Most of them are younger than you anyway, save for Jeon Jungkook (he/him) and a handful of others who are apparently in your year. Befriending lowerclassmen only to have to bid them adieu in a few months seems awfully sad, a little too heartbreaking. You really just want to get a good grade in this class, collect the last of your credits, and put this whole college experience behind you. 

Your thoughts are wrapped up by the pop-up message that appears on screen. 

The host is inviting you to join a Breakout Room: Group 12

You sigh, contemplate dropping this class for all of two seconds, before dutifully accepting the request. Worse comes to worst, you make up some lie to tell your professor that you’re allergic to group work and hope it works. (It won’t.) 

You sit through the mandatory loading screen for a few seconds before being abruptly dumped into your new room, Group 12, or so the message had said. There’s no one else here yet, which isn’t really a surprise. A lot of your classmates are probably like you, scowling at the pop up message every time your professor sends you into small groups before accepting the request. So you chill by yourself, eyes tracing over your own mirrored image. The notes on last night’s reading are neatly laid out before you, your copy of the book off to the side. 

Another beat and then, much to your surprise, Jeon Jungkook (he/him) is appearing in your room. “Oh,” he says, round eyes magnified by the thick lens of his glasses, the glare of the computer’s glow casting a funny shape across the lens that momentarily robs you of his pretty eyes. His pretty pink lips stretch into a smile, upper lip thinning out a bit when he flashes you those perfect teeth. “Hi, __,” he greets politely, bubbly. 

It’s embarrassing how much his presence affects you, your back going ramrod straight in a terrible attempt to compose yourself. “Hi, Jungkook,” you manage to get out, fingers nervously reaching for something, anything, to ground yourself. They land on a pencil. 

Jungkook doesn’t seem even the slightest bit aware of the commotion he causes within you. “I was really nervous for these groups,” he begins rambling right away, lips pushing down into an exaggerated frown as he shivers at the memory. “But I’m glad I got placed with someone hardworking like you!”

Despite how sweet he sounds, you’re not entirely sure if he’s buttering you up just to take advantage of your ‘hardworking’ attitude later down the road or if he’s genuinely being polite. The little information you know about Jungkook wants you to believe it is the latter; he’s very kind, sweet and nice in a way that makes everyone he speaks to feel warm. Still, for all you know this could be some elaborate ruse of his to make you trust him now and then convince you to do all the work for the rest of the semester. 

Tentatively, you ask, “and how would you know that?” You try your best to keep your usual snappiness out of your voice, pose it simply out of curiosity. But everything you say or do feels like a stark contrast to Jungkook and his bubbliness. 

His head tilts cutely to the side, imploring brown eyes looking at you for one hard second. And then, “I read your forum analysis from Wednesday,” he admits, breaking into a smile. Shy and tiny, bashfully looking down at his desk. “I thought your perspective on the piece was really interesting,” he says, lips pursing together as if he’s suddenly too embarrassed to admit such things to you. 

Stunned, all you can manage is one slow nod. “Thank you,” you eventually choke out, trying to ward the heat away from your cheeks as Jungkook sheepishly nods back, cute smile still on his face. 

“Oh, please,” he chuckles, raising his hand to rub at the back of his neck. “Don’t thank me!” 

It is in this exact moment that you are suddenly made aware of two things. 

One: despite his collection of soft sweaters and t-shirts, his bouncy curls and sweet smile, Jeon Jungkook’s body is neither as cute nor as soft as any of his belongings. In fact, Jeon Jungkook’s body is all hard planes and prominent veins. Arms beefy, biceps that bulge beneath the fabric of the short sleeve t-shirt he’s donned today. His shoulders fill out the material nicely, making him look broad and huge, but that’s not even the worst part, because—

—two: Jeon Jungkook is covered in ink. Dark streaks and swirls paint his forearms, curling around his elbow. Every inch of his pale skin is littered with tiny designs. They dance along the back of his hands, over his knuckles, and end at an unidentifiable point beneath the sleeve of his t-shirt. When he tugs at the neckline of his shirt in an effort to readjust it, you hope your eyes are deceiving you and that isn’t a hint of ink by his collarbone. 

Your normal composure seems to slip away at the mere thought. 

It’s Jungkook’s voice that brings you back, a soft timbre that asks, “aren’t we supposed to have someone else in our group?” You flinch as if you’ve been caught ogling him, never mind the fact he’s started mindlessly shuffling some papers around on his desk, not the slightest bit concerned with you. 

“Oh— um, yes. I think,” you stammer, feeling like some creep for ogling your very cute, very sweet classmate. The memory of his inky skin nearly sends a shiver down your spine as you navigate back to the class syllabus. “We’re supposed to have at least three people,” you read off, glancing at the boy on your screen who frowns at the news. 

“Do you think they dropped?” Given it was still only the first week of school, probably. There had been a fewer number of people in the call when it started, you remembered. Jungkook sighs, this rather light sound that ends in a hum. “Well, we can always wait a few minutes just in case.”

So you wait, nervously bouncing your leg up and down. It’s not awkward, or at least, not as awkward as it would be with anyone else. The other week you had silently sat with another classmate in a one-on-one discussion and hadn’t uttered a word for five minutes. It wasn’t because you didn’t care about the class, but because said classmate had been tapping away on their phone the entire time and hadn’t even responded to your simple greeting. That was awkward. 

With Jungkook it’s more weird than awkward. You can tell the silence makes him uncomfortable because he keeps doing these tiny inhales like he’s about to speak, followed by a little head shake where he seemingly stops himself from saying anything at all. He wants to talk, very badly it seems, but holds back for some odd reason. 

He’s scribbling on some sheet of paper, leaning forward to give you a view of the top of his head. From this angle, his shirt hangs forward and a silver necklace falls out from beneath the neckline, thuds against the table. And then your suspicions are nearly confirmed, and oh god, is that a chest piece—

You quickly look away. 

Robbed of his handsome face and feeling like you’ll die if you look at his body any longer, you settle for your newly acquired favorite pastime: inspecting your classmates’ rooms over Zoom. Yes, you’ll admit it is incredibly nosy, but what else can you do? You can only look at your professor for so long until you inevitably grow bored, attention drifting off to your classmates tiny windows. And with no professor in sight, just gorgeous Jeon Jungkook, you quickly begin your examination of his bedroom. 

Jungkook’s room is pretty much the same as you remember it, rather neat and plain. There’s not a lot going on in terms of decoration, which is a little surprising to say the least. Over the course of the week, you’ve watched your classmates’ dormitories and bedrooms gradually change, decorations and tapestries decorating the walls, mountains of pillows added to their beds. It’s only natural that everyone has an innate need to show off who they are now more than ever, and you thought Jungkook would be the same. 

Apparently not. 

Aside from the guitar you had spotted on Monday, his little dorm room remains unchanged. Blank walls, grayscale sheets. The same perfectly fluffed pillows and then—

A tiny Keroppi plush smack dab in the middle of his bed. 

It’s adorable but a little out of place amongst Jungkook’s rather masculine decorations (or lack thereof). A tiny green doll sitting by his pillows, cute striped shirt and ridiculously dopey smile. 

Leaning forward, you unmute yourself and conversationally say, “I love your Keroppi.” 

At the sudden sound of your voice, Jungkook abruptly straightens up, glasses practically at the very tip of his nose. Eyes wide, it takes him a second to process your words before jerkily whipping around to stare at the aforementioned item. “Oh,” he jumps, slowly looking at his screen again, lips pulled into a tight line. “Um… it’s not mi—“

“It’s adorable,” you add, propping your chin in your palm, absolutely endeared with the rosy color that paints his cheeks, fades down the column of his neck. 

He squirms, hurriedly pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He looks like he’ll deny it again, nervously nibbling at his lower lip, before eventually he settles with a sigh. “I won it from a crane machine,” he confesses with a sheepish huff of laughter, rolling backwards to the edge of his bed to snatch it from its spot. 

(Of course he manspreads as he sits, dark jeans hugging his thighs as he rolls back your way. His arm looks so strong, covered in all that ink, you nearly drool.)

“It’s cute, isn’t it?” he says, abandoning his embarrassment as he shakes the little figure around, makes it look like it’s dancing for you. “My mom said it looks like me.”

At that, you laugh. Loud and boisterous because you were definitely not expecting Jungkook to say that, such an odd but weirdly fitting comparison that has you looking at the doll in his hands with renewed interest. And through the pixelated screen, you can see the similarities: Jungkook does have the same smile as Keroppi. 

“Your mom was right,” you agree, wiping a faux tear from the corner of your eye. “Very cute.” 

Jungkook’s got this big goofy smile on, shaking his head in disbelief that you would ever dare agree with his mom. Like he’s genuinely enjoying himself, you think, oddly proud to have evoked that reaction from him. Granted, Jungkook always looks like he’s pretty happy during class, but it feels nice knowing that you were (confirmed) the reason why.  

A little caught up with the bumbling feeling in your chest, you’re not expecting his next words. “Does that mean I’m cute?” he asks, still with that same dopey smile on his face. 

It’s a bold statement you wouldn’t have expected from him, someone who seems content being the world’s friend, but apparently Jeon Jungkook also craves compliments. 

Slowly, you nod. “...yes,” you say, trying to keep the tumultuous emotions inside of you at bay while you grant him this one compliment. Outwardly, you give him what you hope is an obviously feigned look of disbelief, managing to lace it with a little amusement as you shake your head at his inquiry. On the inside, your mind and heart are a thundering racetrack, the roar of the engines and the screams of the crowd enough to momentarily make you lose your senses. “Very cute,” you repeat, hoping he can’t hear the same pounding of your heartbeat in your throat and in your ears as you do. “Like a little frog.” 

Jungkook graces your robotic response with the most boyish laugh, head tossed back as one loud cackle (because, really, there is no other way to describe the sound that tears itself from his throat) escapes him, curls bouncing back from the movement. “Cute like a frog,” he wheezes, seemingly to himself as he shakes his head with a grin, scooting closer to the camera again. “That’s a new one.” 

“You set yourself up for it,” you defend, busying yourself with the papers spread out in front of you before Jungkook can distract you any further. “Anyway!” you announce, neatly lining the papers up. “Our group.”

Jungkook does his best to wipe the glee off his face, but even as he reaches around for his things, it’s still there. “Right,” he agrees, “we have to, um—“ a huff of laughter “—group contract! Or, well, partner project.”

Briefly, you consider calling in your professor to inform him of your missing partner. He had said to let him know by the end of today if something was wrong. But, honestly, you didn’t see a problem with your group the way it was now. While you can only hope he’ll turn out to be as dedicated to his work as you, as it stands now, there weren’t any major red flags surrounding Jungkook’s character. 

Besides, you didn’t mind being with him for the rest of the semester. 

You nod, forcing yourself to ignore the glimmer in his eyes when he looks at you through the screen. “I think it’s safe to say it’ll just be the two of us, which I don’t mind,” you say, glancing at the time on the corner of your screen to see five minutes have passed since you agreed to wait. “Do you?”

On screen, Jungkook profusely shakes his head, curls bouncing all over the place. “Nope,” he hums. “I don’t mind at all,” he reassures you, resting his chin in his palm as he regards you, and then sweetly adds, “it’ll be nice with just us, __.”

Right. 

You gulp, heart fluttering at the dreaminess he exudes through your screen, the soft strand of hair that falls over his forehead, tickles his brow bone when he flashes you another smile.  He was so handsome. Before you say anything silly, you quickly attempt to move on. “But it does make us more of a duo than a group.” 

Jungkook looks away from his screen for the first time in what feels like forever and you finally let your heart rest for a second. “A duo,” he murmurs, shuffling through his papers. “Like Mickey and Minnie?” 

You nearly choke on your spit, coughing to hide the surprise from his rather cute suggestion. He’s not even looking at you, doesn’t even realize the absolute shock he’s thrown you in by comparing the two of you to one of the most famous couples— that’s what they are, a goddamn couple, not a duo! the words mean two completely different things! —in the world. Instead, Jungkook is humming the theme song to Drake & Josh. 

This man was dangerous for your heart. 

After having felt all the emotions in the world in the span of ten seconds, you eventually gather the courage to say, “sure,” and quickly try to move the conversation along. “We just need to, um, make some ground rules and responsibilities for us to follow.” 

Jungkook nods, finally glancing up again, but not at you. He’s glaring at some point behind his computer, brows furrowed together as he begins brainstorming on his own. You try to, really, but his lips pout adorably when he’s deep in thought, and they’re just so pink and look so soft and would feel like—

“Well, we should probably exchange numbers first,” Jungkook says, interrupting your spiraling thoughts with a new topic to spiral over. He tilts his head to the side, brown eyes focused on you. 

“Yes, of course,” you stammer, fumbling for your phone as Jungkook lets out a soft yay at your acceptance of his request. Quickly, he recites his number and you type it in with trembling hands into the number pad, giving him a quick call so he can have your number as well. 

You save him right away, just his name followed by the class you share with him. Not like you know any other Jeon Jungkooks, and if you did, you doubt anyone could ever leave such an impact like this Jeon Jungkook. 

“__, look,” Jungkook calls, that same excitement lacing his already lovely voice, and you raise your head up at the screen again. He’s waving his phone over his camera, so you don’t get to see his face when he says, “It’s a little mouse emoji and a pink bow— just like Minnie!”

Dangerous for your heart and, most likely, the death of you this semester.

Copyright © 2021, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[tojitiddies]

✰ [GHOST] BUSTING MAKES ME FEEL GOOD

pairing ⋆ connie springer x fem!reader

synopsis ⋆ you don’t know who’s crazier. your ghost hunting boyfriend or you for even dating him.

warnings ⋆ paranormal encounters, slight ghost coercion, oral sex, vaginal sex, creampie

ꔵ there was no doubt about it, your boyfriend connie was an oddball. like tin hat wearing, crazy conspiracist, dark reddit forum odd. his friends often asked him how he’d bagged a chick like you in the first place and honestly you were curious too. you’d met him at a halloween party your best friend mikasa had thrown. one wild night and two awkward dates later you both became that sickeningly sweet couple that everyone hated to love.

at this point in your relationship you had grown used to connie’s random 3AM messages about some spooky forum he’d found or him sending random true crime articles he wanted you to read. he and his roomates jean and sasha all ran a somewhat popular youtube channel — they called themselves “the phantom philosophers” — where they covered different cryptid and ghost stories sent to them by viewers. they also went on numerous ghost hunts to try and speak or communicate with ghosts. you were always curious about your boyfriend’s odd way of life and even appeared on one of his streams once — his subscribers couldn’t believe he had a girlfriend. so, when connie asked you if you wanted to come along with him, jean, and sasha for a ghost hunt you jumped at the opportunity.

that’s exactly how you found yourself in front of an abandoned church while your boyfriend and his friends began setting up their equipment. tonight they were looking for the ghost of a pastor who secretly ran his own brothel beneath the church. one of the women had turned on him and murdered him while they were having sex. the story seemed completely made up, but connie assured you it was legit.

you watched as connie started setting up his body camera and clipping it to his jacket. “so...anything i can help with?” you asked, rocking back on the heels of your sneakers. connie looked up at you as if he’d forgotten you were there. “huh? oh, no babe you’re fine. just stand there looking pretty.” he replied sweetly. you forced a smile towards him, letting it falter when he went back to messing with his equipment. you had only agreed to this because you wanted to spend time with him, but this entire trip he’d been so distracted. you were so used to having his attention all the time, it was starting to take you out of the mood.

you decided to go find out what sasha was doing. she had a boyfriend too, niccolo. he was really nice and an amazing cook. earlier you’d asked her why he didn’t come with you all, to which she told you that niccolo was secretly a huge fraidy cat. when you approached her she was sitting in the trunk of jean’s pick up. she seemed to be really focused on...some sort of device? “what’s that?” you queried, sitting next to her. sasha beamed and shoved it into your lap. “this, my friend, is a modernized proton pack like the ghostbusters use! i’ve been engineering this baby for a couple months now and this is gonna be its first field run!” she squeals as she begins to point out all the functions and uses of the device. it looked sort of like a portable cd player.

while sasha babbled on about her “precious baby” jean and connie approached you both, equipment and cameras ready. “here you are ____.” jean presented you with a headlamp and a frequency tuner. “now first rule of ghost hunting, do not be on your own. you’re always gonna want a buddy. i’m assuming connie will fill that role?” he asked, looking between the two of you. you were still annoyed with him but you nodded anyway. you’d bring it up when the two of you were alone. “alright then. sasha you’re with me. and don’t even think about trying to spook me this time, i took self defense lessons and i’ll definitely clock you this time.” he scolded, to which sasha responded by rolling her eyes. “oh please, it was just a joke pony boy.” she taunted. jean shot her a glare. “keep it up.” he warned before turning back to you.

“second rule, do not under any circumstances curse a ghost. not only will that anger the ghost and make it mad at you, it will also get mad at everyone else and we don’t want any part of your beef. so keep it to yourself.” it was your turn to roll your eyes. “jean you don’t need to mansplain ghost hunting to me, i’m not stupid. plus i watch you guys’ channel all the time.” you say, sliding off the truck and situating the headlamp on. “i’m ready to get to some ghostbustin!” sasha hops up and high fives you. connie laughs and wraps his arm around your waist. “ah don’t worry jean, i’ll be with her the whole time.” jean stares blankly between the three of you before shaking his head.

“whatever. connie go ahead and start your body cam. it’s time to head in.” connie chuckles at jean’s annoyance and switches on the camera, a small red light peeps out to signal it’s recording. jean has one on as well, tapping his slightly to test it out. “alright gang, buckle up. i’m trying to meet a horny ghost.” he said with a grin, beginning his march into the church, the three of you following close behind.

ꔵ inside the church it was dusty and reeked of mildew. you pinched your nose as you and the others switched on your headlights. “jesus christ, it fucking stinks.” connie remarks. sasha elbows him in the rib. “dude we’re in a haunted church, you can’t take the lord’s name in vain.” she scolds him before crossing her shoulders in silent prayer. you giggle as connie rolls his eyes at sasha’s ridiculous antics. a strong gust of wind blows through the church, causing the front entrance to slam shut. you shriek, grabbing ahold of connie’s arm while sasha laughs at your frightened behavior. “don’t worry ____, ‘s just the wind.” connie reassures you, rubbing your shoulder.

“alright guys enough fucking around. it’s time to split up and cover more ground.” jean says, taking charge. “sasha, you and i are gonna explore the chapel and the pastor’s office. connie and ____, you both are going down to the abandoned brothel in the basement.” he instructs. connie groans and folds his arms. “seriously? that’s probably where his ghost is hiding.” connie complains. you tense up at that. it was only your first ghost hunt and they were sending you right into the fire. “that’s the point dumbass? sasha and i will be up here gathering frequencies and seeing if we can find any phantom residue. if you two can get in contact with the pastor, we can probably record his frequencies from up here to listen back later.” he explains.

sasha pulls some weird tool from her fanny pack, holding it up. “this is mission is perfect for using my tuning fork! i’ve been wanting to try this for ages.” she squeals, her voice echoing through the church. “damn sasha, lower your voice.” jean mutters, to which she responds with another giggle mumbling out a quiet “sorry”. jean looks back to the two of you. “well we have our assignments, lets get this show on the road my fellow philosophers.” jean salutes you both and opens the doors to the chapel, sasha waves and follows after him before shutting the door behind them. “jerk.” connie mutters under his breath. you squeeze his hand and smile up at him.

“c’mon connie, i wanna see my boyfriend bust some ghosts.” you say, hoping to cheer him up a little. connie nodded, barely acknowledging your attempt before starting to head off towards the doors leading to the basement. “alright babe, stick close. i have no idea what’s down here.” he instructed. you hummed in disinterest and began to follow him in his descent. amazing! astonishing even! you were practically throwing yourself at him, yet your boyfriend was still more interested in some stinky old pastor ghost. as you traveled deeper downstairs, the air around you began to get warmer like a stuffy room. by the time you’d gotten down to the basement there was a humid temperature surrounding you.

“is it to supposed to feel so warm down here?” you asked, taking connie’s hand to be as close as possible to him. connie whipped his head around the basement floor shining his headlamp on all the different doors. “you would think it’d be cold with all this concrete, it’s weird.” he finally answered, switching on his frequency tuner. you followed his movements and did the same. “good weird or bad weird?” you asked again, growing a bit concerned. connie shrugged before making his way towards one of the doors, his frequency tuner picking up. you glared at him, having had enough of his nonchalant attitude.

seduce him.

you blinked as the thought came from seemingly nowhere. you shook your head, deciding to ignore it. you watched connie peak into the room that was making his frequency tuner go off the wire, letting out a gasp. “____! you’ve gotta come see this!” he exclaims, grinning back at you before making his way inside. you follow after him, curious to see what surprised him so much that he actually acknowledged your existence. when you stepped inside you were surprised to find the room...spotless? there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere. the decorative rugs and tapestries that hung on the walls created an erotic atmosphere. the large bed looked clean and comfortable as well, an oil lamp sitting on the bedside. “i thought this church was abandoned, who’s doing the upkeep?” you observed, still taken aback by the surprisingly clean and crisp room. connie pressed his hand down on the bed, feeling it out. “no idea. even the mattress and blankets feel fresh.” he marveled.

seduce him and gain his favors!

this time the thought echoed louder through your head, making you feel a bit lightheaded. your knees buckled causing you to drop down to the floor. connie whipped his head around in shock, instantly rushing to see if you were alright. “you okay baby?” he asked, concern lacing his words. you nodded and took his hand to help you stand back up. almost as instantly as you were back on your feet you felt the pressure in your head drop to your chest and then to your arousal. you let out a small whimper at the sudden wave of pleasure that came out of nowhere. connie pressed the back of his hand to your forehead, his touch felt like lightning.

“are you sure you’re okay? maybe we should — “ the door to the bedroom slammed shut behind you, but you didn’t really care. all you could think about was satisfying the sudden hunger that had come over you. connie jiggled the doorknob trying to get the door back open, curses spilling out of his lips. you sauntered up behind him, snaking your arms around his waist, swirling them up to lay your hands on his pecs. “wha — ____?” he turned his head to his shoulder, trying to get a view of you. you giggled and kissed his shoulder. “awh baby, we can stay in here and get comfy.” you whine, pressing yourself against him. connie tensed up in your embrace, caught off guard by your sudden switch in attitude. the oil lamp beside the bed flickered on, casting the room in a warm dim orange glow. connie grabbed your hands and snatched them off his chest. he spun around to face you, cupping your face in his hands.

“____, hey get ahold of yourself!” he tried snapping you out of it, his fingers popping between your eyes. you leaned up and kissed him under his chin. “i want you to get ahold of me.” you murmured, grabbing his wrists to place his hands on your waist. you batted your eyelashes at him with those puppy dog eyes you knew he couldn’t resist. connie gulped, his hand hands instinctively squeezing around your waist. “y-you’re not yourself, this isn’t right.” he muttered under his breath, more so talking to himself.

you snaked your arms up and around his shoulders walking back into the bed, flipping around to push him into the bed. “you made me very upset, ignoring me all night for your dumb ghost hunt.” you said, planting yourself in his lap, running your thumb along his lips. “how are you going to make it up to me?” connie frowns furrowing his brows. you don’t even wait for him to answer before letting your head fall to the side, kissing over the expanse of his neck.

connie shivered, falling prey to your advances. you snatched off both your headlamps in a playful demeanor while your other hand trailed down to the seat of his pants, letting your fingers splay out across his crotch. “____…w-wait a moment.” he breathed, letting out a slight moan when you squeezed your hand around his clothed length. you giggled softly, slithering from his thigh to between his legs. you nudged his crotch with your nose, looking back at up at him. his face was flushed and his eyes were glazed over with lust. that was all the indication you needed to begin to undoing his jeans.

your mind was clouded with thoughts of your boyfriend fucking your mouth and praising you with all the attention you’d yearned for. you pulled down his pants and boxers, licking your lips at his erect cock, leaking with precum. taking your thumb to his tip, you gently began to spread around the sticky substance. your tongue darted out to kitten lick the little mess you made, leaving connie hissing and squirming. “you’re such a tease.” he grunted. you grinned up at him knowingly before tilting your head to kiss along the length of his shaft.

connie desperately bucked his hips slightly as your kisses became wet and suctioning. done teasing him, you eagerly wrapped your lips around him sucking his tip before bobbing your head further. your tongue swirled around his shaft expertly, causing him to groan and buck his hips. you moan as his cock travels further down your throat, the vibrations of your voice stimulating him further.

“fuck baby…keep sucking me in just like that.” he huffs out, trying to keep his moans from pitching. his hands nestle in your hair, bringing your head down further. you relaxed your jaw as he continued to fuck your mouth, saliva collecting and dripping down your chin. connie bucked his hips into your mouth with fervor, you could tell he was close. “your throat feels so fucking good around me, keep swallowing me down just like that.” he praised, letting his head fall back against his shoulders.

he takes another deep thrust before you feel him spill his thick warm release down your throat. his cock twitches on your tongue as you slowly drag his length from your mouth. connie sits breathless on the bed, panting from the climax he’d just had, but you weren’t finished. you rose back up to your feet and stripped off your jeans and panties before crawling on top of him. with your hands slowly lifting your shirt over your head, you ground your wet cunt against the underside of his length.

connie stared up at you, his daze apparent on his face. “my turn.” you whisper, kissing the side of his mouth. you raised your hips slightly positioning his cock at your entrance before sinking down. you whimpered as you felt him filling you up all at once. connie took ahold of your hips, hissing as you clenched around him. “shit…your pussy loves sucking me in.” he groaned, bucking his hips again.

you whine, rocking your hips back against him. “it’s because i wanna feel you, right here.” you move your hand to your lower stomach, where you wanted to feel connie push against. connie smirked, lifting his knees up on and raising you up to hover over him slightly. “i can do that for you baby.” he growled into your ear before rapidly thrusting his cock into you. you grabbed ahold of his shoulders as he bucked into you, trying to keep your balance.

connie kept his word, fucking you balls deep with no mercy. you were so overwhelmed by pleasure you didn’t realize how loud you’d become. the oil lamp flickered as connie swiftly switched positions so you were on your back. he pushed your thighs back exposing your wet cunt that gaped for connie’s cock. he smirked and spit against you clit rising a whine from your throat. he chuckled cruelly before burying his cock back inside of you, his thrusts causing you to lurch up against the bed.

you clawed your hands over his his shoulder blades as he fucked you deep. “you feel so good, don’t stop!” you moan, arching you back as he hits your sweet spot. connie groaned from the way. you squeezed around him before leaning down to kiss you, his tongue swirling around yours. the sinful noises that came from between you both, echoing through the room. connie moved his lips across your jaw, praising you as he kissed and sucked your skin. you dazedly let your head fall to the side.

then you saw him.

a young man dressed in preachers robes, watching you both intently. you cried out clinging to connie — connie assumed it was a moan and continued to fuck into you. the preacher grinned at you and faded from your eyesight. just then connie let out a grunt. “shit baby, i’m gonna cum.” you were too dumbfounded to respond but it didn’t matter. connie had already grabbed your waist, pulling you down on his cock faster. the movement shocked you out of your mindstate, making you forget about the whole “pervy preacher ghost in the corner of the room” thing.

“fuck connie keep going!” you whine, your hand coming to grab your tits to keep them from bouncing out of your bra. connie fucked you like that until your legs became jelly and you creamed all over his cock. just as you were catching your breath connie came inside you, spilling his thick seed all over your walls. connie collapsed into your chest taking deep breaths.

“shit.” he breathed out, his hand squeezing your waist. “you okay baby?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you. you smiled and nodded, massaging his short silvery hair. connie seemed to have a thought of realization and frowned. “i’m sorry ____. i should’ve done more to make you feel like i wanted you here. i must’ve looked like such an asshole. i was so focused on busting ghosts, i forgot the most important thing i wanted out of this was to introduce my girl to my uh…hobbies.” the sincerity in his eyes had you swooning. you cupped his cheek and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. “you’re forgiven.”. you say, before sitting up.

not a good idea.

your head was spinning. you moaned and grabbed your head, massaging it. “____? baby, what’s wrong?” connie asked worriedly, sitting up as well. then just as quick as the dizziness came, it went. you blinked. “i have no idea. maybe you just fucked me too hard, hm?” you teased, poking his shoulder. connie pressed the back of his hand against your forehead. you couldn’t read his expression, tho it looked like a mix between a shock, confusion, and disappointment. in short, nothing good. “what?” you ask.

connie shook his head. “this is gonna sound crazy, but do you think you were possessed?” he blurted out. you bit your lip, remembering the preacher and the strange echoing voice in your head. “ah…maybe? but i wanted that, it was me no one was controlling me. it just felt more like someone was egging me on.” you explained. even coming from your own mouth it sounded delusional. “oh my god connie, did i get possessed?!” you squealed, snapping your legs shut.

connie laughed and leaned forward, pulling you into his embrace. “no it wasn’t possession baby. just a bit of paranormal influence, like in the poltergeist.” this did not reassure you whatsoever, but connie was already sliding off the bed. “c’mon let’s go back upstairs and see what jean and sasha found. don’t tell them what happened okay? jean’ll kill the shit out of me.” he chuckled, kissing the top of your forehead. you did once over of the room again to make sure there was no ghost priest hiding in here before starting to get dressed again.

ꔵ “finally you two are here! you’ve gotta come see this!” sasha exclaimed as she saw the both of you approaching. sasha and jean had hooked up some sort of computer and were huddled around it. “what is it you?” connie questioned, taking your hand and hurrying you towards them. you smiled, relieved that he had meant what he said and was starting to finally include you. “it seems like whatever you guys did down there worked! we recorded these weird frequencies and we think we might have caught the pastors attention.” jean said, clicking around the screen.

you and connie exchanged wide eyed glances. “uh…what did you hear?” you asked, instinctively squeezing connie’s hand. jean and sasha shrugged. “nothing, we couldn’t hear it until it finished recording.” jean grinned up at the two of you. “but you arrived at perfect timing, now we can play it back together.” jean pulled up the sound byte. “jean i don’t think — “ connie started to protest, but jean had already pressed the space bar.

the empty church echoed with the sounds of your lewd moans and connie’s sensual praises. the heat rushed into your cheeks as you looked down in shame. you didn’t wanna see anyone else’s facial expressions. after what seemed like forever sasha’s hand darted out to pause it. safe to assume you were never invited to go ghost hunting with you boyfriend and his friends again. however you and connie did some extensive research afterwards.

connie’s body cam had mysteriously became static when he walked into the bedroom, so there was no footage of the ghost — you were honestly just relieved the two of you didn’t film a sex tape. however, apparently the ghost of the priest wandered the church, waiting to lure couples into the brothel rooms so that he could gain pleasure from seeing his brothel still be put to use. seven other couples who had visited the church also reported a strange occurrence where they ended up having sex in the brothel as well. you wondered how jean had missed that key part of research about the ghost.

“we may not have busted that ghost, but he sure made us bust.” connie cackled, nudging you. you gave him a pointed look. “you make awful jokes.” you told him, nudging him back. though the experience was a bit of a mindfucker, it truly brought you and connie closer together.

author’s note: hello again! this took me a really long time to write and yet it still feels really rushed :( i tried to do what i could in the edits but this probably isn’t my favorite. i would appreciate feedback if anyone has any though and if you did actually like it, thank you! i promise i can do way better though lmao </3

[runephoenix6769]

“What is with the Blake / Yang hate this week? Folks seem particularly fired up.” I asked this question on a forum because of something I’ve noticed the last few days on discussions about Blake and Yang/Bumbleby/shipping in general. I keep seeing the same answers.  “It ruins the team’s dynamic.”

Welp, I’m pretty certain none of those people would say that Raven/Tai and Tai/Summer ruined the team’s dynamic. Or that Ren and Nora are currently  ruining the team’s dynamic.  What is this holy than thou crusading to protect the sanctity of the team dynamic? Rwby has always been first and foremost about interpersonal relationships. It’s what drives the actual plot. Character growth, failing relationships/friendships. How they change over time, either to grow or crumble. 

“It’s being shoehorned in, for fanwank.” How? How is it being shoehorned in? Give me a narrative breakdown as to where/how/when this occurs? Compare it to the Sun/Blake narrative and show me the glaring differences between the Yang/Blake narrative to prove that bumbleby was never planned yet blacksun was?  (Sidenote. Anyone that has been asked to do this on the forum has yet to do it.)

“Yang showed interest in boys.”“ Yes, yes she passed comment once. In vol 1 episode 1. 8 VOLUMES AGO. She has shown not a lick of interest in guys since. Its almost as if she’s like any normal 17 year old girl who is growing into adulthood and figuring herself out, who might be realising her interest in Blake isn’t strictly platonic and is trying to navigate that whilst also grappling with what that means with regards to their friendship. And dealing with an over arching situation that is, ya know, potentially the end of the world as they know it.  It’s about two years in universe, right? Which is about right of an amount of time for what its happening between them to play out. It only feels like longer to the audience because, well, its taken 8/9 years to tell the story up until that point. 

“The Fans are too loud/vocal/come on too strong.” Ok, this one I agree with, we are loud and vocal and that might come across as coming on strong  (here’s a huge) BUT, there is actually a genuine explanation for why it seems that way.   If you really think about it, objectively. 

Hear me out.  Fans are excited about the potential representation we don't otherwise usually get in media. I mean, if you have 10,000 pieces of media and only ONE of them represents lgbtq people, of course we’re gonna be excited and talk about the ONE quite a bit with others who are like us. This might also be the first time we’ve seen anything like this, or seen ourselves represented in a somewhat positive light. It stands to reason that the other 9999 pieces aren't going to hold our attention as much, esp if its the same hetero romance played out a bajillion times before, right? I mean, if you have a group of people who are constantly represented in the 9999 other shows, their voices are going to spread thinner, right? They aren’t going to be gathered all on one place, talking about the same thing because there are 9999 other choices to connect them to other people. They aren’t going to care as much if their straight ship happens/doesnt happen 

“Hey, I can move onto another piece of media that is churned out by the status quo. No big deal.”

Hetero romances are ten a penny. Flick through netflix, hulu, crunchy roll etc.  Where as if you have a group of people who are only represented in ONE show out of the 10,000 those people are going to gather in one place to connect with others and its only going to seem like they are louder due to the densely packed space.  These same people have been majority silent about the other 9999 pieces of media as their voice isn't usually represented in a positive light - being queer characters are usually brutally murdered or sidelined. (Thankyou Hays Code.)- or not even represented at all. (Bury Your Gays is a trope for a reason, folks.) And we are NEVER the titular characters. We’ve been living on crumbs and subtext for decades! Not to mention showrunners who actively queerbait the hell out of us for ratings and viewership. The almighty Pink Pound as its often referred to in business. “But why do they have to make them gay?” You’re not made gay, you’re born gay. It just takes longer for some people to realise than others. It can be a gradual realisation. And this is quite possibly the case with Yang/Blake, slowly coming to realise their own burgeoning sexualities and attraction to each other.

”Why do they have to be gay?” They don't need a reason to be queer! They just are! Queerness is only a part of a person, not their everything. It’s actually quite refreshing to see Yang/Blake being portrayed as much more than their potential sexuality.  Ask yourself, ‘Why does a character have to be straight? And why doesn’t a straight character have to constantly reaffirm their sexuality? Why is ‘straightness’ assumed by default?’ Heteronormativity, is something that has been perpetuated by decades of media. (helped by the Hays Code with its out of date moral code. To be other is to be punished within the narrative.) That straight is the default setting. It’s not! We exist! Everywhere! We always have and we are going to talk to each other about it when we see a glimpse of ourselves represented in what has been a relative Sahara Desert when it comes to queer content were we are not villainised.   “The romance is detracting from the plot.” Two seconds ago, people were claiming that the romance was none existent. Which is it? But Nora and Ren’s romance that is being held up as a mirror to bumbleby is fine? That Jaune relentlessly pursuing Weiss was perfectly ok. Neptune openly hitting on female characters is fine. 

“I don’t have a problem with LGBT. I just don’t want it forced down my throat.” Again, out of 10,000 pieces of media, this is just ONE show. Nobody is forcing anyone to watch it or participate.  Queer people have had to stomach literal 100′s of years of straight media forced upon them. Since the very conception of the written word and narrative storytelling. In plays, theatre, art, music, tv, film, on billboards, advertising, in places of education and learning etc etc. Queer people are bombarded with it whilst also being surrounded by negativity towards queerness. 

“They are shoving it down my throat!” part two Is hand holding, compassion and expressing concern for another person and comforting them somehow offensive? Renora kissed, not a problem. Arkos kissed, not a problem. Show me in the sand where the line is drawn. What is the difference? Please explain this to me? Why is the expression of queerness somehow offensive? Is this because decades of media have perpetuated the false idea that all queer people are sex crazed perverts? That you’ve been groomed into thinking that queer sexuality is only based in the act of sex itself? That queer sexuality couldn’t possibly be similar to heterosexuality in its expression?

That it couldn’t possibly be about attraction, emotional, mental and maybe one day blossom into physical between two consenting adults, a pure expression of love the exact same as heterosexuality. 

That some how queer love stems from some sort of deviancy or mental health issue. That queer people are some how bad or evil, and therefore their expression of affection is wrong? Oh, I wonder where those beliefs have possibly stemmed from?  “Why are they in my face?” part three.  50% of of the titular cast are potentially queer. Blake and Yang. But if you look at the overall cast ensemble that runs at minimum 16 any given volume, that’s a measly 12.5% (prolly a lot smaller if you actually counted the whole cast that appears in rotation each volume) Also, someone did the math. Blake - a titular character- actually has less spoken lines that Jaune. ffs. B&Y spent neatly a whole two volumes of 8 apart. 25% of the narrative as it stands on entirely different continents. 

I fail to see how it being in someone’s face could be the case.

  “I just don't see it!”

That’s ok and perfectly valid But listen when people who have lived this experience are telling you that their experience is being portrayed on the screen. That they see themselves being represented.  OK, This completely got away from me. In conclusion. They are more straight people than queer people and media often reflects that.   We are usually the silent minority, we are sick of it but we are used to it and we are very excited that things seem to be finally changing.

It’s two characters in an large cast in ONE show out of 10,000. Its a piece of media that, for a change, hasn’t been 100% curated for straight people.  We are often not allowed to play in the sand box and if we are, we’re told to play with the broken toys, be grateful and quiet. So when we are given a sandbox to play in with new unbroken toys, we are gonna dog pile in there and make a ruckas, calling our friends over. What I’m trying to say is, it’s gonna get rowdy.  and here’s something to think about.  “When you are used to privilege, equality feels like deprivation.”  

[fruitquake]

realizations pt. 2

part one

read it on ao3

Regulus Black knows he doesn’t like girls. He wishes he did. It would make everything so much easier. But at some point, you have to accept that maybe you aren’t just a late bloomer. Maybe it isn’t just that you “haven’t found the right girl yet”. Maybe it’s just who you are.

Aside from knowing he definitely doesn’t like girls, though, it’s all very confusing. It seemed like a logical conclusion that if he doesn’t like girls, he must like boys.

But then, James Potter kissed him, and he’s pretty sure that if he were gay, it would’ve felt… special. Or it would’ve felt like anything at all. But rather, it felt exactly the same as kissing girls: uncomfortably and wetly smashing your mouths together. He didn’t say any of this to James. He didn’t say anything, actually, just left with what he knows was a terribly transparent excuse. Now, he’s in his room, sitting on the floor and staring out of the window at the few stars visible through the clouds.  

Is there something wrong with him? The question has been echoing in his mind since the kiss. Well, really, it’s been there long before, but he has managed to ignore it well enough before today. It was easy to push it to the back of his mind, and tell himself that he would figure it out eventually and it didn’t really matter.

But… He kissed James. James Potter, the guy who half the girls - and several guys - are utterly enamoured by. James Potter, who is objectively very handsome. And surely, if he were gay, kissing him would’ve felt… good? How is kissing supposed to feel? Regulus has tried it a few times by now, and it has never been the enjoyable experience that people make it out to be.

He is typing the words into google before he even registers having taken his phone out. Is kissing supposed to feel good?

Most of the search results are clinical, detached articles, explaining the biological and social reasons as to why humans like kissing. Until he stumbles upon a blog post on one of those ask-and-answer forums.

Anonymous: need advice!! my friends are constantly going on about their crushes and the people they’ve been with, how much they love kissing, all that stuff. and i just can’t relate at all. i’ve kissed a few boys, and once a girl too, and i don’t understand the hype at all? i’ve never really had a crush on anyone either, i think. all that kissing and dating and sex stuff just seem like a waste of time to me. is there something wrong with me? am i broken or something?

Regulus’s heart stutters as he reads the post through. He… relates to most of it. Is there something wrong with me? It’s the same question that’s been ringing loud and clear through his head since the kiss.

The comments are mostly stuff like “just wait til you’re older” and “you’ll get it when you meet the right person”, and Reg feels his stomach sink. Is that really it? He’s supposed to sit around and wait for “the right person” to come into his life and… fix him? He thinks about James again. James, who is kind and funny and one of his favourite people in the entire world. But kissing him didn’t feel right. It hasn’t felt right with anyone.

But then his eyes catch on another comment on the person’s post: you should look into the terms asexual and aromantic. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with you or that you are broken, but if you don’t have an interest in romance/sex it could be because you’re ace and/or aro.

Asexual and aromantic. Regulus googles both terms, spends hours reading through articles and blog posts and people sharing their experiences, and for the first time in his life he feels… seen. He hadn’t realized how lonely he felt, before discovering that he isn’t alone.

It’s a lot to take in. A lot of thoughts and questions and answers swirling in Regulus’s head. He really, really wants to talk to someone about all of this. But first of all, it’s 3 AM. Secondly, who?

James is… kinda the whole reason he’s having this sexuality crisis to begin with. He is certain he would’ve figured it out anyway at some point, but it’s thanks to James that he is up in the middle of the night, buried in research about his own identity. He doesn’t think he can talk to James about all this. At least not yet.

Then there’s Sirius. Regulus doesn’t know if he would understand. He feels some of that familiar loneliness creep up on him again. He and Sirius are finally close again. After years of division and hurt and pretending the other doesn’t exist, they have a relationship that’s actually good, and Regulus doesn’t want to ruin it. What if Sirius doesn’t understand or doesn’t accept him? He can’t lose his brother again. He doesn’t have anyone else.

Should he just… not tell anyone, then? Perhaps that is best, at least for now, he thinks. If no one knows, no one can judge him for it or tell him that it’s wrong or that his experiences aren’t real. He nods to himself, settling back into bed. It’s better if no one knows.

-

Regulus doesn’t get any sleep that night. Not that he really expected to. He spends the next day dozing off in class and avoiding James. Both are working out great for him until he starts awake, feeling a gentle hand on his shoulder.

He sits up straight on his chair and squints as he looks around. The classroom is empty, except for him and-

“Sorry, did I wake you?” James asks. He's standing beside Regulus’s desk, looking down at him with something like concern.

“S’fine,” Regulus mumbles, stifling a yawn.

James sits on top of the desk next to Regulus’s. “You look tired,” he says. “Are you okay?”

Regulus still doesn’t know how to react to people showing him genuine concern. It’s not something he’s really used to. “I’m fine,” he says, perhaps a bit too forcefully. He stands up, almost knocking over his chair in the process, and starts quickly packing up his things.

“Hey, uh,” James says, nervously messing up his hair in that way he does. “There’s something we should probably talk about.”

The kiss. Reg was desperately hoping James would pretend it never happened. He slings his bag over one shoulder and starts towards the door. “I’m sorta in a rush.”

James stands up. “Reg, please,” he says. “I… I really need to talk to you about it. Please.”

Regulus sighs, but stops in the doorway. “We don’t have to,” he says in an almost pleading tone, turning around to face James. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You don’t understand.” James looks at him with big doe eyes. “Reg, it matters to me.”

He regards James for a while, before nodding, signalling for him to say whatever it is he wants to say.

James takes a deep breath. “So, er… The thing about the kiss,” he begins, fidgeting nervously with the strap of his bag. “It sorta… made me realize something? About myself?”

Regulus has never seen him this nervous. He waits in silence for him to go on.

“Shit,” James mumbles, rubbing his face with his hands. “I feel like I’ve rehearsed this conversation all day, but now I just, like… Have no idea what to say.” He takes another deep breath. “Screw it, I’m just gonna say it, okay? I really fucking liked that kiss and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and also I’m bisexual.” It comes out as a quick string of words with no pause for James to breathe - or for Reg to interrupt him.

James looks at him; nervous, expectant, awaiting. But Regulus really doesn’t know what to say. He feels a tight knot in his stomach. “Oh,” he finally manages.

“Ah, shit,” James says frantically. “That’s right, there was something else I was gonna say, something important. I, er… I completely get it if you don’t feel the same way. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship, because I really care about you and I don’t wanna lose you. I just… really needed to get this off my chest.”

He sounds so genuine. Of course he does, Reg thinks and feels stupid. When has James ever been anything but genuine, honest and loyal? When has he ever judged Reg or turned his back on him for anything? James knows him better than he allows most people to, and if there’s anyone Reg can talk to about this, it’s him.

“There’s something I need to get off my chest too,” Regulus says quietly.

James’s eyes widen. “Oh? What is it?”

Reg sets down his bag and goes to sit by the desk opposite James. He doesn’t look at him as he starts talking. “I’m aroace. I don’t experience… that kind of attraction. Romantic or sexual. It’s… not exactly that the kiss made me realize it. Or maybe it did. But I kinda already knew. I just… wasn’t ready to admit it to myself, I suppose? Also I didn’t really know the word for it. But… yeah, that’s who I am and I can’t do anything to change that, just as you can’t change the fact that you’re bi, so… I hope you won’t hate me now.”

When James stays quiet, Regulus forces himself to look up. James is looking at him with an unreadable expression, and Reg’s stomach drops. This was a terrible idea. He should’ve known he couldn’t tell anyone. He has ruined everything. James opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Reg has pushed out his chair and is walking toward the door with swift steps.

“Nevermind,” he says, ignoring the stinging of tears in his eyes.

“Reg, wait!”

“Forget everything I just said.”

-

James finds him rather quickly, at the area behind the school that’s nearly hidden with shrubs. It’s where he comes when he needs to be alone, and he knows it’s also where Sirius comes to smoke.

Regulus is sitting on the ground with his back against a tree trunk, not caring if his clothes get dirty. James sits down about a meter away from him, but doesn’t speak, so Regulus is the one to break the silence:

“Are you upset because of my sexuality or because I don’t have feelings for you?” he asks. His voice is harsher than he meant it to be, but at least it’s not shaking.

James draws in a sharp breath, turning to face him. “I’m not upset at all!” he exclaims. “What on earth gave you that idea?”

He’s… not upset? Regulus clears his throat. “Well,” he mumbles. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I’m sorry,” James says earnestly. “I didn’t really know what to say. And you didn’t exactly give me a lot of time to think before you stormed off.”

Now Reg feels like he’s the one who should apologize. He doesn’t, though. Just stares straight ahead at the shrubs surrounding them.

“I’m really sorry I made you feel this way, Reg,” James says softly. “I promise I’m not upset. I care about you. A lot. And I, er… I may not know that much about this stuff, but I’m gonna do research on it so I can support you the best I can, because I care about-” He cuts himself off. “No, wait, I already said that part,” he mumbles, laughing nervously.

Reg smiles at him. “You hate doing research,” he says. “You avoid it like the plague.”

James laughs again. “Shut up, you wanker,” he says, shoving him gently. “This is different!”

He scoots a bit closer, putting his hand on Regulus’s shoulder. “But really,” he says, his tone more serious now. “I support you one hundred percent. You’ll always be family to me. So if you want, we can just forget all about that kiss.”

“But…” Reg looks up at him. “The kiss did mean something to you, didn’t it?”

James considers this for a moment. “I mean… it was a good kiss. And it did sorta… force me to come to terms with my sexuality. But what really means something to me is you, Reg, and our friendship. I don’t wanna lose that, ever. So… do I maybe have a teeny tiny crush on you? Yeah, I think I might, but it’s honestly no big deal. It won’t change anything between us, I promise.”

He holds out his pinky finger, and it takes Regulus several moments to realize what he’s doing. He holds up his own pinky and laces it with James’s.

“I just realized, I’m kind of an asshole,” he says after a bit. “I practically dismissed your coming out because I was so worried about my own.”

“Oh.” James chuckles. “Mate, don’t worry about it. I completely understand.”

“If you want, you can tell me again and I will try to react better,” Reg offers.

James shakes his head, amused. “I… alright,” he says, grinning. “Regulus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m bisexual.”

Reg smiles at him. “Oh, okay!” he says, acting as though it’s the first he’s hearing of this. “That’s lovely. I’m very happy for you. And… obviously, I support you, and I care about you a lot, too.”

James’s grin grows wider. “Thank you,” he says.

They sit quietly for a while, before James speaks again:

“Do you wanna come over today? Mum is making pancakes for dessert. And we can play Mario Kart.”

Regulus groans, but can’t quite suppress a smile. “Ugh, I don’t wanna play Mario Kart against you. You always win. I swear you’re cheating, somehow.”

“How would I cheat at Mario Kart?” James asks with a laugh.

Reg shrugs, crossing his arms. “I don’t know, but I don’t wanna play with you either way.”

“Okay, well… You can play against Sirius? Or you two can team up and try to beat me together,” James suggests, nudging his shoulder. “Come on, it’ll be fun. And pancakes.”

“Fine,” Reg says, as if he wasn’t going to say yes from the beginning. “But only because of the pancakes.”

James nods solemnly. “That’s fair,” he says, and Reg tries not to smile like an idiot, but it’s hard not to because at least for now, all of the worries and doubts swirling in his chest have been driven away by a warm, relieved feeling.

“James?” he says.

“Yeah?”

He doesn’t actually know what to say, so he just wraps his arms around James and pulls him into a hug. James hugs him back tightly, and Regulus feels incredibly lucky to have a friend like him.

[shiningdesignersreflections]

Chapter 3: Cloud and Flower

Narrated by Qing Yumo.

Narrator: The site was chosen in a rural part of Cloudcrest.

Narrator: Since it was a trip, of course there is more than just scenery. There was also a stage with vendor stalls lining the passage.

Narrator: The weather wasn’t good that day.

Narrator: But that didn’t affect the design I decided to wear.

Narrator: Because it was made from Cloud Spring.

Narrator: A special process is required to make Cloud Spring.

Narrator: It would not absorb rainwater to make the dress weigh like a brick and could deflect light to maintain its pleasant color.

Breeze: “Light as cloud, cozy as breeze. A gentle umbrella that guards the flower beneath.”

Narrator: That was the reaction from Breeze.

Choose either “Has ‘Breeze’ seen this outfit?” or “You think very highly of his opinion, don’t you?”

If “Breeze,” ...

You: Has “Breeze” seen this outfit?

Narrator: Yes, it was one of the designs I posted on the forum.

If “opinion,” ...

You: You remembered it verbatim... You must think highly of his response?

Narrator: I just feel that’s a keen insight.

--

Narrator: Regardless, my purpose for wearing it wasn’t for him to recognize me.

Narrator: An umbrella, however...

Narrator: Pairing the outfit with an umbrella really harmonized the entire package.

Narrator: That’s a busy stall over there. Maybe I can find something complementary.

Narrator: I walked over to the umbrella vendor, where several guys gathered to pick out umbrellas.

Narrator: This one is too gaudy and banal.

Narrator: This one is too simple and mundane.

Narrator: ...

Narrator: And this one...

Narrator: The concise cloud pattern is the best match for Cloud Spring.

Qing Yumo: How much is this...

Youth: Not so fast, please.

Qing Yumo: What is it?

Youth: I’m sorry, but I asked for it first. Please choose a different one.

Qing Yumo: But I wanted this one... And you haven’t bought it yet.

Narrator: The guy explained he was buying it for a friend.

Youth: It fits her very well, and I’d rather not pass up the chance.

Qing Yumo: ...

Narrator: For a friend...

Narrator: I conceded.

Narrator: Since that was the only one I was interested in, there was no point for me to linger.

Narrator: After that, the wind got more intense, the sky turned darker and darker.

Narrator: But everyone was still in a good mood, chatting and strolling with friends.

Narrator: I was probably the only one alone.

Narrator: I hardly felt that way, but at the time...

Qing Yumo: Oh, no.

Choose “What is it?”

You: What is it?

Narrator: It started raining.

Narrator: I didn’t get an umbrella, so I had to get out of the rain quickly.

Narrator: Although Cloud Spring is practically waterproof, I still didn’t want it wet.

Narrator: Luckily, there was a corridor adorned with wisteria ahead for me to take cover.

Narrator: It wasn’t raining hard, but some droplets still made it through and knocked a few wisteria petals onto my dress.

Narrator: Then, the rain stopped.

Narrator: Technically, it stopped because of the umbrella held over my head.

Narrator: I looked and it was the guy who bought the umbrella I wanted.

Narrator: He was by himself, not with any friends.

Narrator: We locked eyes for a moment, neither speaking a word.

Narrator: I checked him out and thought he was quite cute up close.

Narrator: It was an awkward silence, but not unpleasant, either.

Youth: You have a gorgeous outfit.

Youth: Light as cloud, cozy as breeze.

Narrator: ...

Narrator: “Light as cloud, cozy as breeze.”

Narrator: The quote from...

Narrator: Breeze.

Narrator: Was it him?

Narrator: I clearly remember my heart almost jumping out of my throat.

Narrator: I knew I should say something out of courtesy, but couldn’t think of anything to say.

Narrator: He didn’t utter another word, probably because I didn’t respond.

Narrator: We just stood side by side, quietly.

Narrator: The breeze would occasionally carry a raindrop or two across our cheeks.

Narrator: The wisteria petals started to fall on the umbrella or drift past our eyes.

Narrator: My heart slowly went from pounding to peaceful.

Narrator: I never felt the world as serene as in that moment.

Youth: The rain stopped.

Narrator: I had no idea how long it had been, but I didn’t realize the rain stopped until he mentioned it.

Narrator: He turned aside and smiled at me.

Narrator: I snapped out of my trance.

Narrator: He folded the umbrella, grinned, and put it in my hand.

Narrator: I watched him as he turned and left.

Narrator: I didn’t say anything, nor did he look back.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 4

[vislorrturlough]

Scaramouche!

"Of course, this assumption of responsibility does not mean that we are not conditioned genetically, culturally, and socially. It means that we know ourselves to be conditioned but not determined. It means recognizing that History is time filled with possibility and not inexorably determined-that the future is problematic and not already decided, fatalistically."

- Paulo Friere

For as long as Loki can remember, tapestries have lined the walls of Asgard's palace.

When Loki was a child, the Allmother sat by his bed one night and explained the significance of the tapestries that lined the walls of their home.

“The Norns weave the tapestry that assigns our roles,” she told him. “So that we may fulfill our fate and serve Midgard as we are meant to.”

The tapestries stretched across all the walls of the palace, covering vast miles of golden wall with breathtaking imagery depicting life and death and love and hate and everything in between. They pictured Loki too, who moved from boy to tragedy to a vicious and cruel man.

“So I have a role too? And Thor?” he asked. She smiled at him with fondness. The Thor on the tapestries seemed brave and strong - Loki could never imagine his brother, still a boy himself, to become that hulk of a man someday.

“Of course, Loki,” she said. “We all have roles. I am a mother, and a magician. Thor will be a great hero. Your father, a beloved and wise king. This is what is sewn into our destiny, to be enacted until Ragnarok and again after that. In a cycle, unending and unwavering.”

He yawned, obscuring the nervousness bubbling in his chest and curling the silken covers around his shoulders. He knew what the tapestries said Loki would do. He had hoped that maybe - “What’s my fate, mother?” he asked quietly.

Her smile, previously relaxed, became firm and serious. His heart was racing, thinking of that man, and of the awful cruelty that was depicted to come at his hands. “We all have a part to play, my dear. And every story has a villain for a reason.”

--

Despite common misconception, Loki Laufeyson never lived in the moment. In fact, Loki found the moment particularly difficult to pin down. Once you begin to think “Hey, I think this is the moment!” it wasn’t the moment anymore, and Loki already had four tabs open on his phone about the relativity of time and he didn’t need anymore.

Loki lived in the future, which was why he was that very moment getting his fair share of serotonin from the Schrödinger’s Night Out with Sigurd and Lorelei he was planning. 

“Sigurd definitely won’t come out if Lorelei isn’t,” he explained to Verity as he paced hurriedly around their absurdly fancy flat, which he paid for entirely and in return, Verity didn’t ask where he got all the money. “Which means I need Lorelei to agree first. One problem with that!”

“Lorelei hates you?” Verity asked, as she planted an orange tree in Stardew Valley.

“Lorelei hates me!” Loki agreed. “Which means I need to sweeten the pot.”

Verity glanced up at him suspiciously. “How are you going to do that?”

He grinned, and picked up a pen so he could start dramatically gesticulating. “Bisexual women! They’re always fascinated with me. And by the end of the evening, I’ll have established a system where I transport their attention from me to Lorelei and get her many dates. Like a Ford factory.”

She glared, turned back to her game. “You’re a walking hate crime.”

“Was that a lie, Verity?” he teased, collapsing on the couch and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. She tried just barely to shrug him off. “Was it a lie when I said bi women are fascinated with me? Was it?”

Verity narrowed her eyes at him, but didn’t say anything, and in response he burst into cackles of laughter.

—

Lorelei claimed to be very insulted that Loki thought bisexual women liked him more than her, but he knew well that she knew well that she looked like the straightest girl alive and really, that was her own fault. Once Lorelei was a confirmed booking, Sigurd swiftly followed, because he’s nothing if not a simp, and thus Loki had now established the perfect evening. A pricey club, two people who could barely stand him, and himself. 

Although he never really enjoyed it. He’d never planned to.

Anticipation was a drug, really. And as previously established, the moment was very boring indeed. And this moment, Loki found himself crammed against Sigurd, who while very attractive and an owner of some very firm abs, was covered in sweat, and only slept with Loki when he was desperate anyway. Loki squinted up at him, and tried to figure out if he was desperate tonight.

“What the fuck are you looking at?” Sigurd shouted over the music. 

Loki smiled at him genially, and proceeded to turn quickly around and elbow his way to the smoking area.

The initial smack of fresh onto his face was divine. He closed his eyes and smiled in satisfaction, continuing to move forward. The music was more muted out here, and the sound of voices and laughter blurred into itself until nothing was anything anymore. Peace! The lights were all different shades of pink and green, and they cast an ethereal glow over the throngs of young people with cigarettes in their hands, all here, all living now.

Loki bumped into someone.

“Shit!” he yelped, watching in horror as  her cocktail spilt down her crop top. “I’m so sorry! Oh my God!”

She’d flinched a bit during the incident itself, but the alcohol had seemingly tempered any stronger reaction than that. Lightly brushing at her (now soaked) top, she only laughed lightly and smiled at him. “No worries, dude!”

He pulled out his best prince charming grin (practiced in the mirror and finely tuned). “Please, let me at least buy you another drink.”

“I’m not going to say no to a drink!” she laughed shyly, and they traipsed inside to the bar. Sigurd seemed to have vanished, but out of the corner of his eye he could see Lorelei getting very close to the DJ, so maybe if Loki had any luck he was crying in the gents or something. Usual affair, really.

He bought them both mojitos, and they fought their way back through the crowd to return to the smoking area. “I like your necklace,” he said, because his mother had always said women liked having their jewelry complimented. Sif had later said that they didn’t, but Sif was as much a woman as Loki was a man, so her opinion didn’t count.

The girl giggled. “Thanks, it’s a crucifix.”

“Oh sorry!” Loki said. “I’m not from around here. That’s the catholic thing right?”

“Do you guys not have catholicism in Britain?”

Ugh, mentioning Asgard would dance a bit too close to the possibility of ‘Oh man, anyone ever told you you look like Thor’s evil brother?’. Loki chuckled instead and rolled his eyes. “I was pretty sheltered. It was like, a weird cult?”

“Oh wow! That’s so interesting.” She had a sympathetic sort of look on her face, and Loki quickly buried the irritation that bubbled up in his chest. The sympathy wasn’t for Loki anyway, just some fake man who grew up in a cult. Did he think Asgard was a cult? God, he was glad he didn’t have a therapist

“Yeah, I don’t really believe in it now, you know?” he lied easily, smiling at her. “It’s hard to have faith when it’s like, you never see any proof.”

She nodded understandingly. “Yeah, lots of people say that nowadays, what with superheroes and Asgard and all. I don’t know, I kind of think the fact I don’t have proof makes it more important.”

“Oh yes?” Loki asked. “What do you mean by that?”

She looked up at the lights, placed her free hand on the crook of the elbow of the hand holding her drink. For a second, Loki saw ancient and revered philosophers! He decided that they’d had it all wrong. Screw the forums, they should’ve done all their philosophising in smoking areas.

“It means something, you know?” she explained slowly. “Like, of course we believe in the ground and the sky and all. Those are right in front of us, we can’t deny that. Same with science, or aliens, or Asgardians. But believing in God requires a certain kind of faith. I’m going beyond seeing and believing. I’m just believing. God has a plan for me, and I believe in that.”

Loki nodded slowly. A fate? One set, but controlled by a benevolent creature and entirely unknown? It wasn’t true or real of course, but there was a beauty to it, that Loki, who’s path was clear and determined, appreciated. The alcohol (he and Lorelei made a habit of spiking drinks they bought on earth with Asgardian liqueur, so they’d, you know, work) was beginning to blur his awareness anyway. “That’s beautiful,” he said kindly.

She giggled, quickly touching her necklace and looking at the ground. “Haha, sorry! I study theology, it’s kind of a thing.”

“No, no!” Loki laughed, giving her a wide grin. “It was very interesting! Where do you study?”

They got into a long conversation about Sarah’s (her name, Loki found out eventually) degree, NYU dorms and a guy she hated in her seminars, before he noticed Lorelei making a beeline towards him, her hand around Sigurd’s wrist. 

“Hey,” she said, before frowning at him and glancing at Sarah. “I’m going home with a girl named Angelica. She’s goth and plays bass. So you need to take Sig home.”

“I’m literally an ancient hero. Of legend,” Sigurd interjected.

Lorelei turned and glared at him instead. “Well, you need to take Loki home.”

“Oh well, come on then Sig!” Loki said loudly, ignoring his scowl. “Thank you for such a lovely conversation, Sarah darling. Have a nice night!”

“Thanks Luke!” she laughed, not being not obvious about checking Sigurd out. Oh God, she probably thought he was dating Loki. Yuck, how mortifying. “See you around!”

“Go get a taxi,” Lorelei told him, before wandering off to a girl with a septum piercing and docs, which Loki considered quite basic, especially for Lorelei.

They didn’t get a taxi. They walked five minutes until Loki ducked around a corner, ignored Sigurd saying “Aren’t we getting a taxi?” and grabbed his arm before dragging him through the spaces in between the universe and dropping him on the bean bag in his living room. A solitary pringles can rolled quietly and hit Loki’s foot.

“Ugh, you’re disgusting,” Loki muttered, kicking it away.

“I hate you,” Sigurd growled, pinching his nose and clearly trying not to throw up. Loki didn’t know why, it wouldn’t be any major downgrade from how the room was currently. “And I hate that. You’re such a fucking prick Loki.” 

Time to make his exit before Sigurd regained enough strength to cause him bodily harm. “Bye honey!” he trilled, and Sigurd’s growl was cut off as he made his way to his own apartment. He didn’t wake up Verity, she had work tomorrow, so he just kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed, surrendering to unconsciousness.

--

Verity and Loki had moved in together for two reasons. 

1) Loki spent most of his time at Verity’s. He had a separate shelf in her fridge for his energy drinks and his salsa, and a special place at the bottom of her spice cupboard for his snacks. He told Verity she had full ownership over all the snacks and could have them when he’d left, but she never did. Instead she got the little clip things she used and pinched the bags closed carefully, putting them to the side for the next time he came over. It was thoughtful, and Loki didn’t know what to do with it, so he never mentioned it. He got bored quite easily anyway, and most of his ‘friends’ had a very limited tolerance of him, so most days he found himself on Verity’s couch, playing Uno and eating Oreos.

2) Verity’s flat was bad and small and Loki’s was perfect and expensive, and if he spent all his time with Verity, they may as well hang out in his sketchily acquired penthouse. Plus, paying her rent made him feel useful. It was like a payment for all the little clips on his packets of Doritos.

He didn’t regret it. Except he thought that perhaps he might be as close as he could get to regretting it as he lay in bed listening to her pounding viciously at his door. 

“Are you alive?” she yelled through the mahogany. He groaned just loudly enough to be heard, and she banged one more time for good measure before her footsteps quickly petered off towards the kitchen.

He sighed in frustration, rolling off his bed with just enough basic athletic ability to land on his feet. His vision blacked out for just a second, and his head very much rejected the idea of being on his feet. Had he shifted through space while drunk? That was so dangerous. He should have gotten like, a driving ticket. A magic driving ticket.

He stumbled into the kitchen and stared blearily at Verity. “What are you cooking?” he mumbled.

“Eggs,” she replied without turning. “Want some?”

“Hmm.” He stares at the clock. One in the afternoon? That wasn’t too bad. Verity must have just gotten in from work though, which made him feel bad. Oh, how he missed the days when he had no shame and also no friends. “No thanks, I don’t want to throw up.”

“I thought alcohol didn’t affect you?”

“Human alcohol doesn’t.” He sat down on one of the tall swivel chairs at their counter and spun around. Ow, oh fuck, that wasn’t a good idea. He grimaced and placed his pounding head in his hands. “Lorelei and I spiked our drinks with something we got from Asgard.”

“Huh.” Verity sat opposite him, eggs piled onto the plate she set down in front of her. She’d cooked the yokes, the heathen. “Did you have a good time?”

Loki stared at her. “I feel like I’m being interrogated by my mother.”

“Oh honey,” she teased, grinning through a mouthful of eggs. “Oh sweetie. Wear protection!”

Loki dramatically re-enacted retching, and she choked on her eggs. A just punishment for her crimes, he thought.

“Ew,” he moaned. “I had to see Sigurd’s flat last night. It was disgusting.”

“I wasn’t being serious?” she stared at him. “I didn’t know you actually slept with-”

“Ew, ew, no,” he interrupted. “I was just detailing how he’s far too disgusting to ever consider as a sexual object. I would probably sleep with Lorelei though.”

“As if she’d sleep with you.”

“I’m forever alone!” he cried “Like the meme!”

“If you think referencing memes from 2008 is going to help you get laid-” she got up, pulled the dishwasher open and put her plate in without washing it off. Awful dishwasher etiquette, and Loki was from a place where they washed dishes with magic, so she had no excuse. “-then I think you might be beyond help.”

“I’m waiting for the right person,” he mumbled, squinting in the light streaming in from their egregiously large windows. “Like America. I ship America and myself.”

“America’s a lesbian,” Verity said.

“I’m a woman sometimes!” He got up and opened the fridge. “It’d be perfectly possible if she could tolerate me.”

“Which she can’t.”

“Yeah,” Loki said in faux-disappointment. “Ergo, forever alone, I’m mister lonely, involuntarily celibate, and sent to the friendzone.”

He shut the fridge, no bacon in sight, and stared at the front of it trying to consider his next move. He could head down to the store, but also he couldn’t, because he couldn’t imagine bringing himself to put on something other than the shorts he was currently in that said ‘BAD WITCH’ in bright green, metallic lettering on the back (a gift from Kate) and also he was pretty certain a drink had been poured on him the night before, judging by the smell of lager and the way his fringe had congealed into a hard point overnight. He wasn’t in any fit state to walk down the street. He had standards to maintain.

Yes, he was an illusionist, but he was a hungover illusionist with a headache, thus he opened up DoorDash and ordered McDonald’s. 

“Vee?” he called down the hall. “Do you want anything from McDonald’s?” 

“Ew,” she called back. “No.”

He placed his order and looked back up at the fridge. They had a shared calendar printed out on that kind of slippy photo paper so they could use whiteboard markers on it and make sure to not double book having people over. Last time it had happened, Verity’s cousin had to top-and-tail with Thor on the couch, which was a weird experience for everyone, but mostly for Daniel. Currently, the calendar was pretty sparse, since it was early April, but Verity had written something in for Sunday. ‘Easter - Mom’s House’.

He stared at it, confused. He didn’t turn when he heard Verity’s feet pattering back into the kitchen. “Hey, I didn’t know you were religious.”

“Huh?” Verity had flopped onto the couch and was fiddling with the remote control, probably trying to turn on Dr Phil. “Not really, what do you mean?”

“You’re going to your Mum’s for Easter?”

“Oh I guess.” The Judge Judy theme song streamed from the TV. Loki stood corrected. “I don’t believe in it or anything. It’s just tradition.”

“Huh.” He glanced out onto the street. It was lively. They were in pretty central Manhattan, and usually when you looked onto the road it was hard to see a part of the path that wasn’t covered in black throngs of city goers. He sometimes wondered where they were going, had they plans, or were they just wandering, aimless and free? Loki had always thought it would be night to wander off and see where his feet would take him if he didn’t walk with direction or intention. “Had an interesting conversation last night.”

“Yeah?” Verity responded mindlessly, staring at the TV. 

“About religion. With a girl in the smoking area.”

“Dude.” Verity leaned over, effortlessly butch. “Conversations about religion in a smoking area? I’m putting my foot down. Either you download Grindr or find a therapist.”

“Both of those options are severely limited by the fact that I am a divine being and a world renowned criminal,” he replied. “Do you think guys on Grindr are into my evil vibes, actually?”

“Guys on Grindr are definitely into your evil vibes.”

“Thanks Verity,” he said, turning and heading towards the door. “You always have my back. Maybe I’ll find a bae after all.”

He grinned at her sounds of indignation and headed to his room to sleep his headache away.

--

Loki had always been rather a superior child. He had no need for childish matters of ‘bravery’ and ‘heroics’, instead favouring his intellect and insight. His mother said he was a bright young man, thank you. So he cared little about Thor informing him he was too small and weak to spar with him and his friends. However, he had in return let Thor know that he would be instead spending some time with his very close friends, who Thor did not have an acquaintance with and who thought Loki was very cool and interesting indeed. Thus, appearances had to be upheld.

He peered around the corner of the great, awning entrance to the Bifröst control room. Lord Heimdall had his back turned, but Loki was not a fool. A child, but not a fool.

“Your Highness,” the Watcher called out, turning to face him. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

He inched forward, the tips of his fingers trailing the chilly gold-plated walls of the gate. “I was bored,” he lied.

“Very well.” Heimdall set down the Key and sat heavily down onto its platform. “Would you be able to keep me company during my break?”

Loki lifted his chin, glanced around himself and headed to sit beside him. “I suppose I can grace you with my presence, for some time at least.”

“Have you a full schedule, your Highness?”

Anger and indignation built in his chest. Loki whipped around and scowled at him. “I’m very busy.”

Heimdall’s playful expression sunk with practiced ease into something serious. “My apologies. Of course you are, my prince.”

Loki crossed his arms. He knew that Lord Heimdall knew all his business, all of everyone’s business, but it struck him like a spear to his chest to have been mocked over his… lack of desirability. How dare he? Loki may be a boy, but he was his prince. It was not Heimdall’s place to mock him. 

He struggled to think of something dignified to reply, and the pressure of the silence between them built into a garotte that tightened around his neck. He daren’t look at Heimdall, imagining a mocking grin staring down at him. It was unlikely, and would be utterly out of place on the man’s face, but Loki would rather avoid the possibility altogether.

“How is your brother, your Highness?” Heimdall said to break the silence.

In a fit of rage, Loki slammed his palm against the platform. His eyes watered with the pain of it. “Why does everyone only care about what Thor is doing? How Thor is? I am not a vessel through which people may be updated about my brother’s status!”

In his anger he’d turned to glare at Heimdall, and was horrified to find the man’s face transformed by pity. Loki scowled in disgust, and stared at the wall in the opposite direction.

“I did not mean to imply anything as such, your Highness,” Heimdall explained carefully. “I merely asked out of having nothing else very interesting to say. Perhaps I should have asked how you are?”

Loki hesitated, glanced back up. “I’m well,” he mumbled shortly.

“That’s good to hear,” Heimdall replied, staring ahead, out the gates and down the Bifröst. Loki wondered if he saw that which lay in front of him with more clarity, or if what his tangible eyes caught was nothing different to everything else he saw. “Is there anything in particular you would like to speak about?”

Loki was silent for a moment. A topic had been weighing on his mind, one he hesitated to bring to his mother. A heavy topic indeed. “Heimdall?” he asked. “Why am I destined to be a monster?”

It had been a burden to bear, acknowledging what was written upon the tapestries spun deep in Nornheim. When mother had first told him of his destiny years ago, it had seemed like a childhood game, but everyday the gravity of his situation held him just a little firmer to the ground. All has its place, his mother had told him, and your place is important. It is against you that others will shine.

It coloured everything he did, and how others treated him. Thor still loved him as a brother, but everyday his pride in his own journey grew and Loki could only stand and watch as he looked on his brother with a little more suspicion, held him at a slightly further distance. Loki’s cruelty had been encouraged, not in a direct way, but in the ways in which his parents and carers were cruel towards him. Like a knife being sharpened. 

Heimdall did not move. “Everything has its duty. Our world is not much but an elaborate play, and we act according to our roles so that the other realms may live in our image.”

“But why me?” Loki pressed. “Why can’t I be the hero?”

Neither mentioned what lay between them. A man and a child and a destiny for two corpses, having slain one another, to lie in the middle of their world as it burned.

“I’m sorry, my prince,” Heimdall said quietly. “Perhaps take some relief in the fact that you needn’t worry over who you will be. The Midgardians in particular struggle with virtue.”

“Really?” Loki muttered, head in his hands. “Isn’t it very freeing for them?”

“Not as such,” he replied. “In return for their agency, they are burdened with the duty to be ever kind and charitable to one another, or be damned for their failure to do so. It's simpler for us. Our fate is predetermined, and while you may be the villain, you are doing your duty as such and can rest easy knowing that it is a moral and just thing for you to be.”

Loki was silent for a second, staring morosely ahead. “But I don’t want to be the villain.”

“I’m sorry, Prince Loki,” Heimdall replied, resting a hand on his shoulder. “But the tapestries have already been spun.”

--

The Allmothers, in their omnipowetful ability to be incredibly annoying, always called him when he was in the middle of doing things. In this case, a lovely girl named Amelia who had told him he looked like Timotheé Chalamet.

She screamed, causing Loki to whip around with a curse only to find Gaia staring at him through his mirror, disgust on her face and her right eye covered by Loki’s Blondie postcard that Verity had bought him from some emo shop.

Gritting his teeth, he looked down at Amelia, who seemed to be sinking into some form of shock. “Oh man,” he said. “I’m so fucking sorry. Uh, I kind of have to take this. Another time maybe?”

She looked up at him in speechless horror before turning quickly and climbing out from under him. Before he could even look up at her he heard the slam of the door. He glanced up. Huh, at least she’d taken her shirt with her. Loki was a feminist after all.

With a sigh, he turned to face Gaia. “My Lady!” He greeted with gritted teeth. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She held his gaze for a few awkward seconds.

“Okay,” he said. “I would say, if anything it’s your fault that you decided to just turn up in my mirror without any prior warning. Really? You can’t expect me to be celibate. I’m Loki.”

She graced him with a performatively regal sigh and a significantly less regal eye roll. “The Allmothers have a task for you to complete, Loki.”

“Don’t you always?” He grumbled, pulling a hoodie on to cover up some of his nudity. Amelia may have only lost a shirt, but Loki was already down to his boxers. He was a feminist, after all.

“There is a great treasure in the belonging of one of our own, one who dwells in the realm of Midgard.”

“In English?” 

The Allmother paused. Her eyebrows furrowed. “Your first language is the tongue of Jötunheim.”

“It’s just a-, it’s just a phrase, okay? Anyway, can you get to the crux of it? I was busy.”

“You aren’t busy anymore.”

He threw his arms out dramatically, making sure his irritation was painted clear on his face. “Thanks for that, by the way!”

“We would like-,” she continued, gathering her composure. “-for you to retrieve the ancient sword, Gram. It’s power is too great for us to allow it to remain out of our grasp. We have waited too long already, and time is of the essence.”

“Gram?” Loki asked. “You mean Sigurd’s sword?”

“The legendary sword Gram does indeed lie in the hands of the hero Sigurd-”

“But Sig loves his sword,” he interrupted. “He’s going to hate me if I take it for you. That’s narc behaviour.”

“This is your duty, Prince Loki, to your people,” Gaia said sternly. “You are, and have always been, a narc.”

“Hey, fuck you-”

She was gone in the next second, and Loki was left staring at his face in the mirror, and the way the skin underneath his eyes was grey and sunken, which made his eyes pop in a sort of consumption-chic. He looked a bit like Maleficent, he thought in an attempt to distract himself from the dread of the task that now lay before him and the inevitable broken friendship (he didn’t have many to break left).

But without all the milf energy. Loki didn’t have any milf energy, which was probably the source of most of his problems

--

Often, Loki found the easiest way to avoid all of his issues was to pretend he was a funny, quirky little guy living a funny, quirky little life. Oh Loki, he’s the token evil teammate, the funny comic relief in stories about other people, relegated to side character (but hot enough that all the fan art and fic was going to centre him). This allowed him to get away with his faults, which were many and numerous, by playing them off as the work of that darned scamp, Loki. This situation however, was one that worried Loki, as Sigurd was nothing if he wasn’t two things; 1) absolutely unenamoured by Loki and everything Loki had going for himself, and 2) in love with that fucking sword.

Loki sat down cross-legged on his bed and contemplated the choices he could make here. He could take the sword, and try to manipulate the situation to make Sigurd look like he was overreacting. Take the sword to the flat and mess around while he showed it to Verity. But, he knew, Verity wouldn’t play along, because her moral compass was ever on the straight and narrow and anyway, she’d know he was lying. 

Lorelei would side with Sigurd over him, because she didn’t trust the Asgardian establishment and they all knew that the tentative little bit of control that let them languish in something resembling a real life on Midgard rested on Sigurd having enough power that Asgardia would rather leave him alone than bother. Losing Gram would put that in jeopardy, and Lorelei wouldn’t trade a shoelace for Loki, nevermind her happy ending. He knew well enough that this theft would be unjust, would put all of the power into the hands of the already powerful. He knew this, and he knew that Sig and Lorelei? Wouldn’t hurt a fly, really. For all the three of them pretended to hate each other, Loki knew they were good people, and they just wanted to live their lives in peace.

He could simply refuse. Not take the sword, let the Allmothers deal with it some other way. He could say it was above his pay grade, which it was.

Except, he couldn’t. Not really. He had duties that Sigurd and Lorelei couldn’t possibly understand. That idea couldn’t push its way forward from the back of his mind, as if constrained by something, writhing back and forth to break free. Or was it? Or was that an excuse, a claim to someone that he was trying, still, to do the right thing, and that it wasn’t his fault when he failed to.

He sighed, and stood up. His wardrobe was a mess, but it was an organised mess, and anyway it was a bright, sunny day outside and he could find his dragon scale armour easily from the way it glinted in the light at the back of his slogan t-shirts. 

--

Sig had moved all the dirty washing from his desk chair. Loki didn’t have high hopes that it was for any reason other than playing PC games though. Sig was really into, like, Call of Duty and Halo. Were they PC? Loki didn’t know. He preferred superior gaming experiences, like Professor Layton.

Lo and behold, Loki found the mysteriously disappeared dirty clothing on Sig’s couch. For a guy whose feats and adventures were written down in legend, he really had some drab taste in furnishings.

Loki moved silently through the flat, letting just a little bit of his seidr seep into his steps to cushion the noise. He didn’t turn on any lights, instead relying on a little bit of patience to let his eyes adjust to the dark. His Jotunn heritage, dare he say it, came in handy at times like this due to the Jotnär having pretty decent night vision. This was in order to do crimes and eat children, his nursemaid had informed him when he was small. Well, Loki was doing crimes, but the jury was out on the eating children bit.

Loki was an expert catburglar, tales of his stealthiness were scribbled on the walls of ancient Midgardian caves, the remnants of long extinct societies, all of which he had outlived. Thus, he cleverly noticed the Guitar Hero™ plastic guitar and stepped over it.

Loki knew one thing about Sigurd. He was paranoid. Thus, Loki had a suspicion about where he would put Gram, and if he was correct he knew this job wouldn’t be easy.

He eased open the bedroom door, and watched as the hero of the stories he had been told as a babe snored while laying on his front. Huh, great ass.

Loki mentally smacked himself. Bad!

His attention was then quickly snatched by the gleaming sword that lay against the left bedpost. Ding ding, we have a winner! Sigurd both expected his sword to be stolen and expected to have to fight off home invaders, and so he kept his greatest asset (other than his ass) right next to him in his most vulnerable times. Loki was his worst nightmare, well usually, but even more so at this moment.

He crept forward, stepping carefully over strewn clothes. Wait, was that Lorelei’s blouse? Ugh, he didn’t want to think about that. He’d much rather they remain entirely celibate in his mind.

Loki crept closer, and reached out to grasp the hilt of the sword silently.

“...What the fuck? Loki?”

He should have run, probably. Teleported, gone invisible, maybe should have even jumped through the window. That might have thrown Sigurd off the scent right? Prince Loki, God of Trickery and Harbinger of Ragnarök wouldn’t have just leapt through a window. Well, the window was seventeen floors up actually, so maybe a regular burglar wouldn’t have either.

Anyway, what happened was he stood stock still, unable to move a muscle or turn to face Sigurd, as if he were labouring under the delusion that Sigurd was a creature that tracked prey by movement. He looked like something out of Looney Tunes, which wasn’t fantastic for his dignity.

“Loki,” Sigurd snapped again.

He turned, and winced at the look of outrage on his friend’s face. Sigurd was sat up on his elbow, his other arm on his comforter. He looked like he was ready to attack someone. Loki was pretty sure he hadn’t expected it to be - well, Loki.

“What the fuck were you doing?” he said. “Were you stealing Gram? Why? For who?”

Ouch, that hurt. He may have been stealing it for someone else, but it was a bit upsetting that Sigurd had immediately disregarded the idea he was working in his own interest.

He opened his mouth. Closed it. “The Allmothers send their regards,” he finally admitted drily.

If anything, Sigurd’s outrage grew. “How- How could you?”

A bit dramatic, Loki thought. Sigurd leapt out of his bed, and Loki didn’t have the chance to step back before his shoulders were in Sigurd’s bruising grip and his back pushed hard against the wall. “You know what this means,” Sigurd said, his disgust evident. “You aren’t stupid, Loki. You know what you’re doing.”

Oh, that was it, wasn’t it? Loki wasn’t evil because he did evil things. He was evil because he knew they were wrong before he did them, and he did them anyway.

“I have to,” he mumbled weakly. Was that a lie? Verity would know. “I have no choice.”

“Yes you do,” Sigurd said, releasing his grip and stepping back, “Yes you do, you’re just too much of a coward to admit it. You’re so desperate to play happy families. I can see it in you, and so can Lorelei. All you want is to be useful to people, even if it’s for the Allmothers, who treat you like shit. You do their fucking dirty work and they kick you around and you love it, because you get to be part of their rotten little story.”

Loki stared at him, suddenly feeling utterly, entirely tired beyond belief. Sigurd could not tell him anything that he did not tell himself.

“You’re a coward. You’re a fucking coward who does everything the Allmothers ask of you. One moment you sneer at them up there, in Asgard, and pretend that you and me and Lorelei are all in the same boat, but the next moment you bare your neck to them. One day they’re going to ask you to hurt someone you really care about, and you know what? You’ll do it. They’ll ask you to hurt Thor, or Verity, and you’ll do it without a second thought because you’re a coward, Loki, and you always will be.”

His breath caught in his throat. “I wouldn’t hurt Verity.”

“Yes, you would. If someone put it on a tapestry you’d do it in a fucking heartbeat.”

“I see, well,” he paused, looked to his right to avoid Sigurd’s gaze. “I’ll let you get back to sleep I suppose.”

Sigurd reached out to grab him, but he was gone before he had a chance.

—

Received FRI 2:08

Verity: hey u coming back tonight or what

Verity: im assuming ur working

Verity: if u are there’s leftover pasta bake in the fridge. Ik you hate leftovers but its on offer. Im off to bed, night!

Received FRI 11:02

Verity: hey called lorelei to check in on you and she says you and sig aren’t talking. She didnt seem thrilled w you either. U ok? 

Verity: call me if you get the chance ok

Received MON 15:47

Verity: yh ok this is cringe but please call. Im worried

Verity: you usually lmk when youre gone this long and sig was being suspicious

Verity: i asked him if hed seen you and he like laughed

Verity: idk maybe hed be more concerned if something had happened but u guys dont exactly have a normal expectation for health and safety in the workplace

Received WED 23:21

Verity: please call i’m worried

Verity: please

Received THU 18:54

Verity: you’re a fucking idiot

Verity: I hate you

Received THU 19:02

Verity: i didn’t mean that

Verity: sorry.

Verity: please do call. please

--

Verity wasn’t the only one texting him, which would have done wonders for his ego if it had been anywhere near still intact, but she was the only one who’s texts he kept re reading, scanning them obsessively and trying to convince himself he was doing the right thing.

The thing that nagged him though, was how would he know what the right thing was?

All his life, the right thing was whatever was in stride with where he was determined to end up. The path had been laid out for him - all he had to do was walk it. But, though the Norns had written out his beginning, his end, his great misdeeds and stories, they hadn’t written about things like whether he should get KFC or not, whether he’d be good at Mario Party or what dog breed was his favourite (alsatian). They had never had the name Verity Lewis brush their lips.

Because this world was untethered. It simply wasn’t important enough for the Norns to have seen. Did that mean that they were free, here? Was that bad or good? To Loki, who despite everything had spent an eternity comfortable in the knowledge that he knew what would happen, and that the future was clear to him as long as he could stand in the halls he’d grown up in and stare at the tapestries on the walls, the idea of absolute undetermined fate was deeply terrifying. It caught in his throat, wrapped around his heart, squeezed the warmth out of his chest. 

But Sigurd was right, and so he had a decision to make.

There were people walking around under him, where he sat perched on the roof of a Soviet era apartment building in Brno. They didn’t know what would happen to them, how many kids they’d have, whether they’d marry or how they’d die. They didn’t know any of that, and that meant they could decide.

Huh.

--

He stumbled when he flashed in, and his hand reached out steady himself against the wall. The lights were off, but after a couple of seconds he heard a slight clutter from Verity’s room. Taking a deep breath he made his way to the kitchen and sat down at the bar. He didn’t bother to switch the light on, instead just collapsed into the chair and placed his head in his hands.

The lights switched on. “Loki?”

He peeked at her from between his fingers. Verity stared at him as if she couldn’t quite decide whether to be angry or happy. She was squinting (she wasn’t wearing glasses - she must have been asleep). He must have looked suitably miserable because instead of launching into a tirade she narrowed her eyes and slowly moved to sit opposite him, as if trying to tame some vicious creature. Apt, perhaps.

Their silence hung very heavily. “I’m sorry,” Loki eventually said, mortified to hear a crack in his voice from disuse.

She watched him carefully. “I forgive you,” she replied. Not ‘it’s okay’, because Verity found lying, even unconsciously, very difficult. “Can you tell me what’s up?”

By ‘can’, Loki knew that Verity was asking as if this was something related to his work for the Allmothers, but he found that even though this wasn’t any secret mission detail he was forbidden from sharing, he still found it hard to describe.

“I mean,” he muttered, breaking away from her stare. “Where would you like me to start?”

“Wherever you want to?”

He swallowed. “I had to steal something from Sigurd. Gram-” She opened her mouth and he jerked his shoulders defensively. “Please let me just explain. The Allmothers asked me too. I knew that if I did it it would put Sig and Lorelei’s relative safety at a significant risk. But,” he paused, bit his lip, horrified by the lump in his throat. “Even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do, and that all of you, all of my friends, would think less of me because of it, I had to do it. I had to do it because if I don’t do things that are wrong, that are bad, I am not filling the role that I am set out to fill, that I have always been set out to fill.

“There are tapestries, in Asgard,” he explained, a wobble entering his tone. “They’ve been there since before me, before my parents, before anyone. They were woven by the Norns, who see all of the past, the present and the future. They were woven so that we, who will be images of all the people of the Nine Realms and who will serve as a reflection of their large and varied communion, could know where we fit and what roles we are to play. And I’m a villain, Verity. I am the bad guy, because someone has got to be. There are people who actively choose to be bad and evil and selfish all over the shop, and someone has to represent them in the grand scheme of things. And, mainly, I have to keep everyone’s hands clean by making mine dirty.”

Her hands reached steadily out, grabbed one of his and held it between them. They were tears threatening to fall now, and they choked up his voice.

“So I do what the Allmothers ask me to, and I antagonise Thor, and I play my part as the bad guy of the story so that one day that story may be told to children as they are tucked into bed, so that they know that immorality causes you nothing but strife. I am supposed to have that strife, and through this my immorality is good and right, because I am an example.”

He paused. “Sigurd said I would hurt you, if they asked me to.”

“Would you?” she asked.

A second passed. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’d rather not risk it, but I thought you at least deserved an explanation for my sudden disappearance.”

She leaned back then, stared out their windows and onto the road beneath them, still busy despite the hour. “Do you want to know what I think?”

“Dare I ask?” he chuckled wetly.

Her voice was firm. “I think that’s bullshit. I know you’re telling the truth, that you might hurt me if your Moms asked you. But I think you don’t know that that’s not true, which is why it’s registering as right to me.”

He squinted at her in confusion.

“You believe it,” she explained. “Which is why it’s registering as true to me. But that doesn’t mean you would, it just means you don’t think you’re a good person, and that’s not news.

“You see yourself as some kind of cut-out character with one trait, a yin to Thor’s yang or some shit, but you only think that’s all real because people have told you it is. Who’s to say those tapestries are anything? I think that you - all of you Asgardians - are terrified of being unmoored, so you make up shit like this so that you don’t have to grapple with morality.”

He tried to interrupt, but Verity continued. “You’re all terrified of life, so you pretend it’s one big play you’re putting on for our benefit, with roles and lines so that you needn’t make ‘em up. But you know what? Why don’t you just try? Try to improvise. Break away from it all. Maybe those tapestries do mean something, but maybe they just come true because you all keep doing what they say.

“You’re not the bad guy in a play, Loki,” she told him, her voice full of emotion and her hand rubbing his. It was just enough to keep him tethered to reality, he thought. “You’re my friend. You’re funny, and flippant. You don’t like to talk about your emotions. You don’t have great self-esteem and you kick ass at Jenga. You’re playing a part, but you know the thing about actors? They have lives when they get off the stage, and you could too.”

--

His boots echoed across the ground as he climbed the short hill to his destination. It was dust, not dirt, that he trod on, and the air was stale and cloyed in his lungs. It was the kind of air that felt like it didn’t blow, but just hung in the air for eternity, older than you by indescribable amounts.

No one went here. It was unplottable by some working laid down long before even the beginning of Asgardian history. It had taken Loki four days to crack, because 1) he’d spent all of his non-eating, non-sleeping time in the last couple of days focused on it, 2) he’d already made a groundwork as a teenager before his mother had told him off for meddling in things he shouldn’t have been and 3) he was pretty fucking good. Really, the only reason he hadn’t touched it before was because as he became a man, he grew to respect the Norns. Things had changed.

“Hello!” he called, not surprised to find the three women staring at him, likely well aware of his arrival for at least eternity, or something.

“Liesmith,” Lady Verdandi spoke in a low, powerful voice. “You have come to rattle the chains that you feel resting upon your shoulders.”

“Yep,” he responded, popping the ‘p’.

“These chains,” Skuld said in a tight voice. “Are imaginary.”

“No actually,” he said, beginning to pace around the room. “You see, I don’t really care if they’re ‘imaginary’ or whatever. I actually am just here to let you know that I’m just going to be kind of doing my own thing from now on.”

“Your ‘own thing’?” Urd sneered. “ You do not have your ‘own thing’. The fate we have laid out for you is everything you are.”

“Everything I am is just a mask.  A mask that you put on me!”

“Oh? That implies something on which a mask can be put. Is there anything under your mask, Loki? Do you even know?”

“Well, I guess I’m going to find out,” he ground out. They were sat down, staring up at him, and he felt unnervingly like he was still a child who had been summoned to his father’s study to receive an admonishment for troublemaking.

“You will find out,” Verdandi explained calmly. “That you are mistaken, and that you will play your part in the fate that will become and will end and will begin again, whether you try to fight against it or not.”

“So that’s it then?” Loki said softly, although his voice still echoed across the ancient walls that enclosed him. “There’s no path to grace for me. I’m your villainous fool, cast in this grand play so that your heroes may show their virtue in my vanquishment. I’m good when I’m bad, and I’m bad when I’m good.”

He paused, and stared her down.

“Well, I’m afraid I’d rather be bad on my own terms, actually.”

Verdandi had opened her mouth to say something else, probably something even more patronising, but before she had the chance Loki had stepped between reality and left Nornheim and its frigid, stale air behind him.

--

“Saw you coming,” the Watcher said when Loki stepped out in front of him. 

Loki smiled. “Naturally,”

Heimdall sat tiredly on the Bifröst’s lock. Loki noticed with a sort of jolt that Heimdall was getting old. Maybe they all were. “What is it you would like from me, my prince?” 

“Oh nothing really,” he answered. “I just thought I should let someone know that I will be unable to complete the most recent mission that the Allmothers have given me. In fact, perhaps you could let them know that I’m putting in my two week’s notice, so to speak? Although I’m not really giving them any notice, let alone two weeks.”

“Oh? Might I ask what has brought this on, your highness?”

Loki crossed his arms. “I’m trying this new thing called ‘making your own destiny’. All the cool kids are doing it.”

Heimdall nodded. He wouldn’t have been able to have viewed Loki’s conversation with the Norns, but he would have seen what Verity had said. “I wish you luck, dear child,” he said softly.

Loki’s smile turned quiet and genuine for just a moment, before he turned away and took a few steps. Wait! He had something else to mention.

He looked back at Heimdall.

“By the way, maybe I am going to kill you someday,” he said. “”But I promise that I’m going to try my damndest not to.”

With that, he stepped back into New York, and headed towards Dominoes to pick up their pizza. They were doing movie night, he and Verity. They were going to watch Legally Blonde. Loki thought about - What was her name? Susie? Sarah? He thought maybe she was right, in the end. Maybe it was a gift to believe in what can’t be seen, and thus a gift to follow darkened paths. But the path that brought him home felt warm and reliable, just like it always did.

[heraldofzaun]

Hi. We’re doing this again. I’ve already spoken a little bit (well, a great bit) about how old lore Viktor wasn’t a stereotypical evil villain, but I keep seeing this interesting trend crop up - especially in the comments of analyses on Viktor’s character - and so I’m going to write about it. That trend is the fact that people seem completely and utterly convinced that only old Viktor “augmented without consent” or “didn’t respect free will” or similar mad-scientist-adjacent claims. This isn't true. The inverse is true, actually.

What follows is the entirety of Viktor’s old lore (I’m using the first - the second variant is the one that snips out his going to the Institute of War, I’m not trying to pull a trick on you or anything), his lines upon release (which are still technically canonical, even if many people believe them to be outdated - whether that is due to Riot still believing that they’re accurate to his character or, more likely, Riot not caring to replace them, I don’t know), and the accompanying blurb to his release comic. I am also including Jayce’s second lore, the one which Riot wrote after Viktor fans pointed out that Jayce’s original lore was contradictory to Viktor’s character. (Which is mentioned in the post I linked above. TL;DR: Viktor fans made such a fuss that Jayce’s lore got changed to paint Viktor as less of a villain, which again points to the fact that old Viktor wasn’t necessarily perceived as villainous by his fans. Of course, fan perceptions can be wrong - but canon was changed, so...)

This screenshot is missing his pick/ban quotes (“Join the Glorious Evolution.”/”Inferior constructs.” - ban quotes were added after his release, so they recycled one of his attack lines) and the quotes for Chaos Storm (“Obliterate!”/”Consume!”/”True power!”/”Behold!”). This is because it didn’t fit on my computer screen nicely.

This was written alongside Viktor’s teaser comic. (I personally really like the teaser comic, even though I’m concerned about Viktor cutting a hole in his laboratory wall.) It is, technically, non-canon material as it was posted on the now-defunct forums rather than anywhere on the client, but as we’ve seen a recent trend of Rioters Word-of-God’ing facts about canon, I may as well include it. There may be more Word-of-God confirmations on those forums as well, but the backup site that they’re currently hosted on doesn’t allow for searches as the original site didn’t either. You can find this on the “Development” tab of Viktor’s wiki page, if you’re curious.

Is there anything in here, besides “Submit to my designs.” and a few other of his voice lines, which should be taken with the context that they were a) written in 2011 and are thus not the highest examples of character-focused writing and b) written under the context of these being things he is saying to opponents on a battlefield, that says “Viktor augments people who are unwilling”? I don’t see it. He isn’t an angel, sure, because he wrecks Jayce’s lab after the man doesn’t want to work with him, but… He’s mostly alright, at least when it comes to the claims I’m investigating. (Also, note that his acolytes are not specified as being under his control or anything like that - they very well may just be people he’s helped, who don’t want a strange man smashing up the lab they were helped in.)

An interesting side-note: Jayce’s first lore does seem to imply that Viktor murdered people, as he “staged a deadly raid on Jayce’s laboratory”. This is concerning. There’s still somewhat of that implication in the second lore, considering the whole “incinerating the lab’s meager security force” line, but I’ve never seen anyone in fandom over the years use that as evidence for Viktor being a murderer, which is interesting. There’s actual textual evidence you can point to to say that Viktor’s a morally awful dude, and yet no one pointed to it when it was canon...I’ve never seen it cited in any character analyses for Viktor, nor have I ever seen anyone make the point that it’s people that Viktor’s incinerating. Food for thought, I guess. Anyways, my personal take is this: it’s security systems, not people. It doesn’t quite make sense, in-universe, for Viktor to murder a bunch of redshirt security guards but only blast Jayce aside - and leave him with no lasting injuries, obviously. Out-of-universe, you can say that it’s because Jayce is a champion, but still… It really doesn’t fit. Of course, I’m an old lore Viktor fan and this is entirely me trying to justify that he’s not a bad guy, so you can definitely take my words as biased. As we’ll see later, even if you take this as proof that old Viktor’s a killer, it doesn’t mean new Viktor is morally spotless.

Also, if you speak a language other than English and want to kill time, feel free to write in with what Jayce’s old lore says he did if you can find a translation of it. (If you go to the League wiki you can find other language versions of it, and from there you can poke around on Jayce’s page to see if it even has his older lore at all.) The Polish version apparently doesn’t imply people, but the Russian version uses “guards”... or so I think, my knowledge of Russian is pretty small so it was me and Wiktionary against the world. I think that League lore translations, especially from 2011, aren’t exactly the best material for textual evidence, but it’s an interesting curiosity. (I’m genuinely fascinated on how this was never a point of argument, and also to the fact that it was made much more ambiguous in Jayce’s post-outcry lore… but not removed.)

Anyways. Of course, you can take his lines and general character to a logical endpoint and say that it is implied that he doesn’t care much about whether or not people consent to the Glorious Evolution, but at that point you’re arguing interpretation and need to say as such. The cases I’ve seen in which people say that old lore Viktor was lopping people’s limbs off without consent or what-have-you just say that, without citing any textual evidence or saying that it is possibly implied by his character and lines. It’s pretty hard to take those claims seriously when there’s much more textual evidence that current-canon Viktor doesn’t seem too keen on respecting autonomy. Let’s begin with his own lore, which is written to favor his perspective.

Please keep in mind that this Viktor got his start selling automative technology to businesses in Zaun. The Zaun that is full of corrupt chem-barons. But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say that he only sold to good businesses. (Also, fascinating that a common complaint about old Viktor is that his status as a pioneer of his field is that he’s “unrealistically accomplished”, and that other people would have figured out the same technology - just as it seems to be the case in current lore, with the Church of the Glorious Evolved existing pre-Viktor (except that it probably didn’t at the time of this lore’s release, as there’s a paragraph later on in his lore that talks about a “quasi-religious cult” that is unnamed but… Who else would it be?) and augmentations being common on the NPCs on the Universe page. Yet someone who’s 19 having their inventions be commonly used in Zaun long enough for the term eventually to be used in reference to the next stage of their life is perfectly acceptable. Anyways…)

What we see from this is clear: even if there is a “good” reason to control the divers, there is no mention of them consenting to the procedure. Considering the previous quotation, Viktor seems to deal more with the bosses than the workers and doesn’t seem to consider the potential job-removing impacts of his work (how many people lost jobs due to being rendered obsolete?), which doesn’t bode well for him caring much about what the workers think. But of course, this aside about dealing with bosses is all interpretation, so you can ignore it if you’d like. There still is, however, actual, textual evidence that new Viktor does not care about consent if he believes his idea is what’s best for you.

Ignoring the writer misusing the term “psychotics” - par for the course in fiction unfortunately - here’s Viktor kidnapping people “for their own good”. Nothing is said in his lore if he’s contracted to do this, or if he’s just Zaun’s version of a Good Samaritan out and about chloroforming people. While I’m not saying that the moral choice is to not intervene, he is drugging people here and performing brain surgery on them. Please note the “in a manner of speaking”. What does that mean? Is it in reference to them having permanent brain damage? Or is it in reference to him being all well-and-ready to transfer their bodies into robots that presumably weren’t designed for them? (Speaking of, if Viktor can transfer the consciousnesses - or at least brains - of people… why is he still in a fleshy mortal body? Yes, it would require a VU to update him to be fully robotic, but none of his written media seems to imply that he’s on his way. His color story has him integrating technology directly into his arm, for example. Why aren’t you getting into the robot, Viktor?)

Anyways, two options here: either the automatons had enough of their former programming to react to Viktor giving a kill command, or the consciousnesses of the people Viktor is “saving” are in these robots and are under his sway enough to commit murder. Either is bad (and negates any moral superiority over old Viktor’s maybe-implied-canonical-murder), but the second is horrifying. And, obviously, non-consensual. (Because the damage is reversing, I don’t believe there’s room for a justification of the second option in which these people are still violent and dangerous.)

Anyways, last bit. It’s pretty bad when your ethics are panned in Zaun, the nation host to rampart corruption and also people like Singed. Let’s now move on to his color story, which is what a lot of fans point to as evidence for new Viktor having a heart or a moral compass.

Yay! Moral win: your cyborg isn’t cutting off the head of a child without his consent. (Also, again, is this proof that Viktor can put brains or consciousnesses in robot bodies? Admittedly, he might be joking since this Viktor is a little softer than he is in his biography.)

Moral… win… your cyborg is augmenting a child… Anyways, joking aside, this is unethical. How’s Naph supposed to consent to something like this? I know that we can’t expect fictional characters in a fantasy setting to abide by modern ethical standards, but I think we can critique them from an out-of-universe context. This is bad. Viktor gives very little context, could very well be lying (he isn’t, hopefully), and sends the kid off with his version of a pat on the back and tells him to come back if he wants more. (The “Oh yes” is also… creepy.) A kid’s decision-making abilities aren’t developed to the extent that they can be reasonably expected to understand or consent to a procedure that removes a pretty crucial emotion. If Naph comes back and wants his fear gone permanently, will Viktor oblige?

Also, fear is something that is very important to survival and judgment calls. Without fear, a kid in Zaun might take dangerous risks that could end up with them dead. I can’t really see how people interpret this as a morally sound decision - Viktor’s pretty much giving mood-altering drugs to a child and telling him to come back if he wants another hit. Just because he got Naph’s okay doesn’t mean that he got informed consent.

Let’s now turn to the black sheep of Viktor content: his Legends of Runeterra lines. There’s two of interest.

Armed Gearhead’s card art is of a man whose only augmentation is his arm, which he says he broke in another line. (I suppose he didn’t want to wait for it to heal?)

Viktor is talking about messing with his head, here, because Armed Gearhead is… too emotive, I’d guess. He is “not yet complete”. A statement which Armed Gearhead seems rather apprehensive about, if you listen to his response.

I know that LoR Viktor is one of the more “comically villainous” depictions of Viktor we’ve seen, so if new Viktor fans would like to ignore his lines I have no issue with that. But these lines certainly seem to imply that what Viktor sees as Armed Gearhead’s end state isn’t necessarily what he sees as his, and should be considered if people want to take them as canonical.

Not necessarily needed, but here’s Jayce’s present lore. One of them is definitely lying - Jayce’s lore says that he doesn’t strike until after Viktor gives the kill order, and Viktor’s says that he gave the kill order in response to Jayce smashing up the lab. Either way, Viktor is ordering automatons (that, in this version, are outright stated to be housing the brains of the people Viktor is trying to keep alive) to kill Jayce. Not a good look.

Viktor’s new lore gives significant textual evidence that he doesn’t care for whether others willingly consent to his ideas, so long as he believes that his ideas are for the greater good. This is in contrast to the vagueness of his original lore, meaning that any individual who speaks about how current Viktor is someone who cares for consent in contrast to the “unethical mad scientist”ness of old Viktor is unfortunately mistaken. I have to imagine that general fandom interpretation, combined with the fact that his bio and color story are very tonally different, have made it so people believe that this version of Viktor is much more ethical than he canonically is.

Interpreting Viktor as sympathetic and actually morally grey is fine, of course! Riot wrote his narrative very poorly when he was updated, which is why I’m still finding bones to pick with it in comparison to his original and more open-to-interpretation lore. The issue is stating that this is canonically the case, which it isn’t, and/or stating that the current iteration of Viktor has the moral high ground over his previous incarnation, which he doesn’t. I think that much more interesting character conversations can happen if people acknowledge that Viktor as he’s currently written is roundly unethical - how can that be improved upon for a more complex character, does that mean that Jayce’s behavior was right, etc. For all my dislike of new Viktor, I’d be genuinely curious to read a take that actively acknowledges his pre-college work in automation and how that affects his standing in Piltover and Zaun. (Is he well-known in industry? What do workers think about him? And so on…) And, well, on a personal note: I think that acknowledging current Viktor’s moral failings would be nice, because it would mean that people would stop using old Viktor as a strawman.

Anyways, I suppose that’s the post. Thank you for reading!

[tarotchariot]

Return with past pick a card

Pick a card reading: Dealing with the hurt

“

This is a free pick a card reading for those going through a challenging or hurtful situation. I’m not certain how these will turn out, but I hope they bring some kind of clarity, peace or comfort to any of you. I understand that some may feel lost and almost begging silently for some help, yet not seeing anything to get advice or a sense of stability from again.

I will use 6 groups to choose from, believe it or not - simply because to me, 6 symbolises harmony and reciprocity. Please know that you are not alone, and something will find you in a wonderful moment.”

So moving on, please take a quiet moment and use your intuition (for example taking 3 deep breaths and clearing your mind, or envisioning a number perhaps)

And choose between the numbers 1, 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , or 6

____________________________________________________

Group 1 :  

Knight of water, The dreamer, Unity, 3 of air, synchronicity

Alright you guys, you had quite a few cards here. At first glance, it’s appearing like a new start is necessary. Maybe something didn’t go well at work or school, or what you thought was a solid and stable place has become uncomfortable due to someone in your vicinity.

It’s odd, it’s looking like someone wasn’t entirely truthful. The angels want to point out that there will always be light and dark.

Getting the vibe of feeling left out, not part of the group anymore. Or at least not feeling like you are. Maybe someone has literally excluded you or pushed you out because of something they see as “bad” in accordance to the groups beliefs or interests. I’m seeing a crisis of faith here.

There’s quite a few possibilities. I’m seeing, maybe for just one singular person that they have lost someone that mattered very much to them. I get such a playful and light hearted energy about the person. Whether you believe in life after death or not, if it were for certain a thing I could say one thing they would be saying to you, even now: Please laugh, have fun.There are so many things to be happy about.

There is a deep loneliness, and for that I feel for you, so much. Your Angel(s) are right next to you.

For others, feeling left out or excluded, most likely undeservedly. However, I’m getting the message that you are being guided to a new way of thinking and being, and to acknowledge that there is good and bad in everyone. No one is perfect, we each have our shadow. Please try not to take their treatment of you personally. It’s more to do with them, and not you. It is projection. It’s likely you have witnessed and seen who can be trusted and cannot. Run with that fact and hold the lovely one(s) close.

Those in this group are being guided extremely in the form of synchronicity. Please be on the look out for further advice, and insight through the following forms, and even more:

Music that really resonates Conversations you over hear Signs out and about Seeing a similar image many times Hearing the same kind of message similar times An idea keeps popping up in your mind Some of you may want to move forward with a creative project. It’s encourages as it will aid you in positively letting out your emotions. Not only that, it may be simple and overlooked, but simply by just spending time and being around any loved one or friend (not even talking directly about your situation) will give a small bit of peace and gratitude.

This is a signal of a new chapter, and you are guided to have the fun you are meant to have.

Hope that did somethin’.

-------------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 2: 

Queen of earth, Page of air, Ace of earth, The miracle of forgiveness

There seems to be an issue surrounding give and take. Queen of earth talks about kindness, practicality and nurturing. It could also symbolise a mother, or someone who has motherly energy.

With the theme of pentacles, the material, and page of air here who seems to have a wolf around them, I wonder if you have been taken advantage of in the material sense (financially, physically). And it seems you are very aware of this, since forgiveness is the crux, and the advice. It’s like the more you get, the more they take.

I’m seeing there might be debt as well. I’m seeing someone here who has had to uphold a whole lot. You’re the kind that can make things happen. I’m also seeing great resentment, and that doesn’t happen from just anything. Yes, I can’t help but see someone else having a hand in your finances and do whatever they like, or did that in the past. Wasteful. Basically - it’s not fair and it’s cruel, because there’s something here that I see that you want to do, but this is getting in your way.

I’m seeing a talent in you that is not to be wasted. Know that it cannot be taken away - it is yours, and god given, No one can truly take what matters. The comment I receive from the angels is that the abundance for you will always come. What is truly yours and needed will always find its way to you. I feel a very powerful solidarity, independence and ambitious feeling.

Your future is yours, not theirs. Not anybodies.

I would like to also say, that despite this, there really is actually love still there. Whether you want anything to do with them in the future is another thing. You’re asked to (in whatever tiny way you can) try and understand them. Understanding is the first step to forgiveness. And forgiveness opens up doors and new energy for you personally.

I recommend that you try and understand the truth of forgiveness, and not just what you hear or see on tv, This could become something that actually drives you further.

I really see you as such an inspirational and strong person.

That’s what I see for you, thank you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 3: 

Page of earth, six of earth, awakening, eight of air, take time to breathe

So here there are themes of feeling trapped, having to wait, unemployment/difficulty finding a job or career and possibly even being taken advantage of as a student or in a low level job as a trainee. Off the top of my head.

Patience is a big note here. Something is not happening as fast as you would like here, and I can understand how scary/stressful that can be. You might be scared about your security or future here. I’m seeing that you have put a lot of effort into this situation. I’m also seeing that maybe you have felt alone as well, hints of valentines keep coming up.

I’m seeing that you might be under a lot of scrutiny/judgement, so I’m wondering if you guys have been suffering in terms of anxiety or being just plain down, or more. If you have been struggling with confidence or motivation or anxiety, I encourage you see a professional or join a support group/forum online. Even talking things out in a journal can release a lot of that pent up energy,

I’m sensing a lot of pressure that you may be placing on yourself, and I hear the angels want me to say “Darling” withsuch love and care. Please give your worries to the angels. They say they will take care of them. And will take care of some issues.

Oooh, I am truly seeing so many pent up emotions that they encourage you get out - if you have to scream at the ocean, or in a car, do it.

Get it all out, empty your mind for some quiet time, and just be.

You will see the appropriate solutions at the right time, and as a result of taking your mind away from its current habits, you will be so much more capable of seeing them.

Please, give yourself a break. The angels want you to see just how good things are in some ways, and how much you may be focusing too much on others.

Take some time and be willing to see things differently, things can change just that much. The angels want to say how much they love you and adore you, feeling much love for you here. I hope you can feel the peace they want to send you in this writing. And you are capable of so much.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 4: 

King of water, The magician, Live your joy

With the king of water here, it’s showing you may be finding it difficult to trust people or life. What feels difficult here is that you may not be receiving the help or advice that you deserve and should be receiving as a default.

It might be showing that a paternal figure in your life is withholding themselves or even being manipulative. Basically, not being the role model they should be.

More than anything though, I’m seeing that you want to create something, something that really gives you joy, that truly speaks for you and is your honest expression. Which makes me think: perhaps there is someone who doesn’t like that. There is certainly an abrasiveness there.

For whatever reason, perhaps someone here doesn’t accept you, or your self expression, or whatever it is that makes you feel right.

When it comes to this, the answer is very simple. Choose to release those binds.

How, you ask.

2 things. simply practice this self expression or take part in whatever it is that you want - that will set the energy up. 2. raise your vibration. Do not involve yourself in the negativity, refuse to take notice of anyone elses expectations or judgements. in general have more fun, express gratitude, see the positive

Truly embrace whatever this is. If it has to be, let it be at night when others are asleep, and build your confidence. Change things bit by bit.

a few of you here may be psychic, or have a spiritual hobby or talent. Embrace this role, you are meant to be someone who spreads higher knowledge and support.

There’s someone I see that plain just doesn’t like change. But hey, since when did it have everything to do with them? never. This is you. The message I’m getting for you guys is: be proud. Be so darn proud of you. No one will ever be big enough to diminish you. You, in spirit, the divine part of you, will always be such a special and wonderful thing to behold. When you live your joy and your truth, you shine like no one else. Let this change you, shape you and gravitate towards joy no matter what this person, or people say. You can create the life you want.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 5: 

Three of fire, ten of earth, express your creativity

I’m seeing some distance with loved ones here. perhaps there has been a quarrel, a falling out. Or perhaps a family member has moved a fair bit away. I’m feeling a family or community that was once warm, has experienced some kind of change that has left you feeling quiet, humble and retrospective.

if this is not family, it could be a group of friends that felt like family, or a job where you felt like a family with the team.

I’m seeing for sure for some, that there was a blow up and the effects are still rolling. You may feel as if the effects won’t end, but it appears you will be left alone in that way for the time being. It seems very much on your mind.

It is really looking like the aftermath of a big storm here, a sweeping change or an eruption from an argument that has separated two or more people. For a couple of you it might have been triggered by something very small. I’m seeing a lot of hurt here, true heartbreak. Please know that there will be peace. Things always calm after a storm.

No one seemed to be necessarily right or wrong, it appears to have been something that simmered in the distance for a long time.

All I can say is now, you are on solid ground and it’s time to calm down from it all. Something the angels want to put forward is that the strangest things happen, and we may not understand for the longest time, but it triggers the right change for us, or sets us on a certain route for our most divine path.

I’m seeing the universe, and its connections and paths that we all take, that as humans we couldn’t understand. I do see that one day, when you are comfortable and feeling at home, safe (which I promise you will be) - you will get the zap of a vision. How things worked out. Why. What it led to.

Moving forward I can see the suggestion of working as a co creator and envisioning how you want things to go. What do you want for yourself, or you and your family. What kind of connections do you want. Be as creative and imaginative, and extreme as you want.

The message I get from the angels, again and again, is calm. Take time to be calm, cool down from it all, take a rest, and feel your angel/guide next to you, supporting you and shielding you.

------------------------------------------------------

GROUP 6: 

seven of water, renewal, knight of earth, the inner voice

For some, I’m seeing being worried about the loyalty/faithfulness of another - the recommendation seems to be to look at the dedicated actions of the person. Do they display through action and practical means that you are their priority? (other than their purpose or work of course). Use this as an opportunity to both review if you feel you are receiving the level of dedication and care that you deserve and need.

Perhaps your person has been unfaithful in the past and you decided to give them another chance, but again, there is worry. There are too many factors that you may be holding onto from the past that have no part of the thought process you should be taking, or judging with currently.

So either way, it appears to be a time when you need to judge for yourself, are you able to trust the other or if this gives you what you need. Are you willing to go forward with it? Not just recklessly, not for the sake of it, but after great thought and deliberation.

For others, I’m seeing feeling at a loss as to what to do next in their life/career.I know all too well that this can feel scary and like a major crisis. Straight up, I can say from experience that the answers come gradually, and in a relaxed way in the right timing.

The guidance in both cases is to listen to your inner voice, your higher self.

I know, it sounds a bit annoying, or like it might not give you fast answers but it’s the way that you can feel confident in your own conclusion. It won’t come from anyone elses judgements, words or coercion.

Come to a point where you know you, you know what you want and need, and you only accept the right things.

When it comes to making your decision or conclusion, you may need to discern whether this comes from the angels or higher self, vs the ego. If it comes from the ego, it will speak in terms of winning, of gaining something, or appearing a certain way. If it’s from spirit, it’s often for the highest good of everyone involved, is sympathetic, loving and understanding. It does not judge, only seeks to help.

I would like to affirm for everyone here, that there is much love for you here. And let everything you do, be because of love. Of yourself, and others.

Thank you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Wowwwww that was a lot. Guys, I hope that helped in some tiny way.

I do this simply out of love. I wish you all the best.”

(A copy of an old pick a card reading by myself, not shown on this account until now)

[greaterlandscapes]

My Dean Blunt Rotation aka High Fidelity Left A Bad Taste in My Mouth

For the past 2 to 3 months, my listening habits were teetering to an end; mostly via burnout by spontaneously listening to local artists daily and less likely of a musical discovery drought, whereas my interests of a certain artist or genre hasn't found its, sort of, "eureka", moment per se. I've been feeling less enthusiastic over the things i listen to since my friends have gradually lost their flare when it comes to discovering/exploring untapped parts of the music realm. Thus, in return, my enthusiasm not being reciprocated. It leaves an empty feeling from someone who has been yearning social interaction, may it be media being latched on the topic - it's a feeling that's been guilt-tripping me ever since I was stranded in the other end of the metro. I feel closed off, exposed to the crippling loneliness the lockdown has punished us: a defacto solitary confinement in a national level. Our act of staying online is also an act of staying alive outside.

To be fair though, it's a valid move to not boomerang compliments/gripes over an art you haven't consumed due to someone's autonomy. Your able body being to consume the art you wish to finish with free time is a luxury in of itself. The art is then failed to serve its purpose to reach its goal: You have squiggly lines heading straight to oblivion rather than swirling in the earlobes of a wandering cyber nomad. We, eventually, need to find something that could help us exit, rather than escape, from capital. We, in return, do not shut ourselves from the outside. Instead, we then tend to avoid the stress of protocols and outdoor fascism; Not avoid the indoor liberalism that is eating us alive and online. It's a capital punishment we never knew we signed up for ever since the onslaught of the virus and the state. Art for art's sake is nonexistent now, always has been, it seizes to ever since we went inside. Feeding off of a holographic meatloaf coming from a glowing screen. We have a real-life Karen acting as a nightlight in our rooms.

The COVID lockdown made us listen to music — both for better, for worse. For one, it made us pass most days. You could say the same for any sort of media: film, mixed media art, or whatever pre-Covid activity that sprung up during our time in isolation. For music, however, there was an uptick of new listeners that made others Wheel-of-Fortune the fuck out of their music discoveries in sites like RateYourMusic, Bandcamp, or even Sophie's Floorboard. We've continued to expand and became more open change of opinions and be less of a jackass towards someone else's opinions. On second thought, our opinions have been catalogued, leaving more notes than actual footprints of our previous listens. Our new discoveries made new bands and re-emerging bands, bands who faded to obscurity, crawl back in the surface with newfound interest from younger listeners (ie Panchiko, Jai Paul, and Dean Blunt) and this glowing, previously unseen and unexpected overwhelming support from fans of departed artists (ie SOPHIE, MF DOOM)

For the other, we've hogged gratuitous amounts of media, resulting into losing our primary direction as to how we want to consume our media based on the preconceived notions of what we want in our art. There is goodness in becoming directionless when you think about it, but there comes a cost to our identity as music listeners. Instead, we end up widening our tangents, falling in endless rabbit holes, having zero chances to emerge from the surface. In fact, i refuse to call it a "rabbit hole" instead i'd rather call it a "pipeline" of sorts — transitioning casual music fans into a full on, different, unique versions of themselves that would define them when laws and protocols have eased in the outside world. Our act of staying online has either made most of us break our character or enliven our past selves. The music pipeline is now more apparent, stretching the norms of what was once alienated by a silent majority, but now accepted as an acceptable form of expression. The more music we are exposed to has made casual listeners stranged out or react in ways that our personality have betrayed us or deemed not as acceptable to them. Still, not changing anything that was prominent pre-pandemic. Liberal cop behavior is stronger, now more dangerous than it ever was once perceived by the outside world.

HIGH FIDELITY? NO, THANK YOU.

Imagine a situation inside of a record, pre-pandemic of course, where you do not feel like lifting a record out from the shelf, instead, you window shop just for the sake of windowshopping. Capital and media made us think that going to record shops is a semi-productive activity. The age of discovery has died ever since High Fidelity romanticized and normalized the incelage of horny record diggers. Does this movie age well, yeah sure it does, for old 90s nerds at least. But did it translate well over in the past 20 or more years of events and tragedies that unfolded in pre-9/11 America? No it didn't. It was an age of free expression, only liberals would dream of whenever they take a sip of Guinness beer in their favorite dive bar.

Mind you, over a couple of months ago, it was my only chance in seeing why this movie was the talk of the town back when it was released. There's music, yeah, and attractive leading leadies, yeah, it has everything a 90s kid would love to salivate and drop their gonads over while they watch this movie. I obviously did not live to see the movie on opening day but i could imagine the scent that came out of that movie theater with attendees donning windbreakers and The Who shirts with popcorn dressing stains on their plastic cups. If there was a Filipino counterpart to this movie, i'd bet corporate champions Eraserheads and Rivermaya would soundtrack their music over and have either Tado or have Boy 2 Quizon, but i sense it to age like milk more than it could age like fine wine due to the senseless jokes one can execute in a Cubao or Cartimar record store.

John Cusack is obviously the incel in question here: a damaged, vengeful ex who constantly fails to live his partner's expectations and weaponizes his personality over the situations that has nothing to do with his interests. I spent the entire time being absolutely disgusted over the spineless responses of John Cusack's leading character. The movie then treads on flashbacks with John Cusack's failed relationships and what he could do to move on from each and one of them. If i could stand a SONA for 3 hours then I can't stand John Cusack being the dull entry point to incel, making more reasons why you should hate record store clerks who don't give an iota of shits to someone's inviting rapport. High Fidelity is opium for massive music circle jerks who can't take a single breathe of fresh air or a single quota of touching grass. There's more targeting weak and inferior guys and hot women who dump dumb overconfident dudebros more than the actual "music recs" in the entire movie. The more I think about this movie, the more I realize how our personality is in line towards Dick, the record store being unmercifully dunked on by the movie's two leading characters. He's an angel in the world of cynical bastards, witnessing both demons pitchforking record store customers in the ass while they're purchasing the latest Sonic Youth album.

I believe that Jack Black, the dark horse of High Fidelity, has a pleasing personality more than an irritating demeanor due to this behavior in the record store. In fact, outside of the record store, Jack Black doesn't seem to take the business is your pleasure act pretty seriously. Unlike John Cusack's character he brought his obsession over involving a record in an important memory/point of his life. There is so much stuff that has happened outside of the record store, so much for Rolling Stone and NME being the bible of music at the time, endlessly christening and shilling artists that believe to become the second coming of the Beatles. The music references here however are treated as fluff than it is a mechanism that would drive the senseless plot forward. If anything, there are events pointed out in the event that doesn't have anything to do with the life of the characters.

If anything, this movie did a great job at capturing the feeling of music bros being dumped on the wayside by a mature set of characters and how their current conditions aren't perfumed by the studios' liking of having to Cinderella story the shit out of a bunch of normal record store owners. The reality is in the reaction of one's social capital being invaded and we're here to witness how those reactions panned out in 2021. This is a villainous depiction of music nerds being the salt of the earth, the bane of all media discussion, still reflective of the insufferable salt of cyberspace found in music forums like 4chan and RYM. High Fidelity is a pipeline of 90s musicology, a dreaded fever dream of an owner waiting for the decade to end, trends ossifying and re-emerged by the hands of nostalgia-savvy individuals. It was, at its time, every music-movie nerd's excuse equivalent of Scott Pilgrim VS. The World. There are memories worth remembering and cherishing, and this movie isn't one of them.

DEAN BLUNT, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

In the past two weeks I've been fancying myself into sitting down and listening to different projects from the ever elusive, UK-based sound artist Dean Blunt. The first time i chanced upon his music wasn't too long ago - albeit a recent one in the time of COVID - was when I randomly stumbled upon his records at a Spotify recommendations section under John Maus (yeah lol i know the implications whenever his name is mentioned) - but then i was enamored by his online presence so quickly I put everything down and dedicated an hour or two researching about this man's music.

Other than the fact that his album "The Redeemer" wasn't the best record to start off in journeying through his discography: ending up disgusted and borderline bored even and I was more likely to lambast this record's aimless, pretentious art-pop inflections. By the end of the day, it was a preference long solidified by his undying fanbase. According to his hardcore fans, the music isn't really music, evaluating it as a free form of sound art, rather than sticking to a structured and conventional cues; the genre is nullified by most analysts of the arts. The growing interest of the general public towards Dean Blunt's pranks and antics have long appealed to my tastes as a chaotic neutral individual. Pranks that are well executed to piss off UK gallery connoisseurs and entertain ironic attendees who'd shit on the art piece rather than participate in it.

More of the resources I've found about Dean Blunt online: numerous aliases and collaborations that lasted around almost 2 decades. The most notable of all them, at least for my money, are either Hype Williams, a duo consisting of Dean and frequent collaborator Inga Copeland, and Babyfather, an art performance parodizing the pirate radio culture in the UK. I have not delved enough in Blunt's body of work to evaluate everything and what i could synthesize from it. For now, I enjoyed it as a form of entertainment. Well, color me impressed because Dean Blunt isn't clowning around, he, in fact, makes blissful and transcendental music from left to right.

Dean Blunt was the only few artists that made me want to binge on their discography. His movements in his music has attracted this pesky listener who thinks that being mysterious is a plus. I mean, look at me who thinks The Paul Institute, Panchiko, and Burial are the greatest artists that have walked the face of the earth.

The most I've enjoyed from Dean Blunt's discography are his mixtapes and collaborations: preferably his Soul Fire and ZUSHI, both of which were packaged as B-sides or supplemental releases rather than major releases such as the Babyfather project or the Black Metal releases. His knack for blurring the lines between genres still fascinate me as of this writing, and it continues to amaze me how he doesn't seize to compromise his art, he's here to prove a point and it sells quite well despite the lack of direction in his music. Blunt's music has more aggressive and hazy texture than the hollow, wide, soulless structure of art-pop/hypnagogic pop released today. He creates terrains from the rubble of his country's current shortcomings. The music overlaps the actual intentions with abstract concepts, becoming deconstructed down the line. In Babyfather, noise music coincides with Blunt's amateurish rapping. In Black Metal, Blunt isolates himself along with the assisted skeletal guitar playing. Both projects throwing all tropes in a vaccum alongside Blunt, who he himself would sought to become a personification of a musical void.

--

(Excerpt from the Babyfather album review in TinyMixtapes)

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Dean Blunt is an entity that wishes to become one person, but no, this isn't a figure in a specific art form; this isn't Banksy, this isn't Bob Ong, this is made by one person, clearly it is if you listen closely, and it's been entrancing me ever since his presence was felt on the horizons of the internet. Dean Blunt, what the actual fuck.

[notebooknebula]

Chris Prefontaine - Scale and Automate Real Estate Investing

https://www.jayconner.com/chris-prefontaine-scale-and-automate-real-estate-investing/

After many years of coaching and constantly doing deals himself independently, Chris Prefontaine founded Smart Real Estate Coach in 2014, bringing in his son Nick, daughter Kayla, and son-in-law Zachary as the company began to grow.

The family team coaches investors on how to properly scale and automate their businesses throughout North America — all without using their own cash, credit, or taking out bank loans to buy property. His team buys and sells homes in his own market every month.

Join our new Private Money Academy with a free 30 day trial, 

https://www.jayconner.com/trial

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Jay Conner (00:01): Well, hello there! And welcome to another episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. I’m Jay Conner, The Private Money Authority and your host. And let me give you a special welcome, particularly if this is your first time to tuning in. Here on the show at Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner, we talk about all things that relate to real estate investing from single family houses to commercial deals, to self storage, to land, to anything that you can imagine. Even note investing. Anything that you can imagine that relates to real estate investing. This show is for you, whether you are a seasoned real estate investor, or a brand new real estate investor.

Jay Conner (00:51): Here’s why. First of all, we talk about private money a lot on this show. How to get funding for your deals, regardless of your experience or your credit or your verification of income. You know, whether you’re seasoned or you’re brand new, everybody is always looking for new funding for your deals. As a matter of fact, on today’s show, my special guest, we will be talking about creative ways to get funding for your deals regardless as to whether you have private money lined up or not. In addition to that, people are always looking for ways to find really, really hot deals. We talk about that on the show here, we talk about how to automate your business, how to sell properties very quickly in order to reduce your carrying costs.

Jay Conner (01:36): But before I introduce to you my guest today, I want to give a special gift to you. You see, I mentioned a moment ago, I’m known as the private money authority. So if you are seasoned or brand new and you want more funding for your deals, I’ve got a free gift for you. And that is, I just recently launched my brand new membership, which is titled The Private Money Academy. It’s a monthly membership where I am live at least two times a month for the entire Academy where we do a hot seat. We analyze your business, help put a plan together to expand your business and scale it and grow it very quickly. I answer Q and A every time live twice a month for Academy members. We’ve got a closed Facebook group where you can ask questions at any time. It’s a very, very expensive and live forum. And we also have brand new training content for the Academy members every month. Well, I’ve got a brand new offer here. Brand new, and it’s free. You can have free access to the Academy for four weeks, and I’m going to give you the URL right now. To where you can go take advantage of this free gift after we finished the show and that’s www.JayConner.com/Trial That’s JayConner.com/Trial

Jay Conner (03:05): So you may be tuning in on YouTube, or you may be on Facebook, or you may be listening to iTunes or Google play or one of our platforms. And so no matter where you’re tuning in from, we need your help. Please subscribe, rate and review. If you’re watching on YouTube, be sure and subscribe and hit that little bell. So you can be notified every time that we go live with a new guest and new training. And speaking of guest and training today is no exception to the past where I’ve got a fantastic expert guests to join me. And so I’m so excited to have him on before I bring him out of the green room and bring him on here, live on the show. Let me tell you just a little bit about my friend.

Jay Conner (03:50): First of all, he is a three time best selling author. One of his books, Real Estate On Your Terms, we’ll be talking about that. Secondly, the new rules of real estate investing and also he is co-author with Moneeka Sawyer’s, Real Estate Investing For Women. He’s also the founder and CEO of SmartRealEstateCoach.com. And he’s the host of the Smart Real Estate Coach Podcast. In addition to that, he’s been in real estate for almost 30 years now. His experience ranges from constructing new homes back in the 1990s and owning a Realty executive franchise to running his own investments, commercial and residential. Well today he runs his own buying and selling businesses where this family thing, which purchases about two to five properties every month. So this guy is still in the trenches today and knows exactly what’s going on. He’s an expert in the realm of terms, he’s also an expert on how to take your business from part time to full time. And he has this very, very special strategy and formula that he employs and also educates his students on which is called, The Three Pay Days. With that, I’m excited to have on and introduce to you my special guest today, Mr. Chris Prefontaine. Chris, welcome to the show!

Chris Prefontaine (05:16): Hey Jay! Good to be back, buddy. Good to see you as always.

Jay Conner (05:19): Good to see you too. And I’ll tell you folks, one special reason I love having Chris here on the show is because Chris and I have got the same exact core values and ethics when it comes to doing business. It’s all about putting the other person first. Whether you’re talking to a buyer or you’re talking to a seller, or you’re talking to a private lender, Chris believes exactly the same thing that I do. And that is, put other people first and you don’t have to worry about yourself. Just sort of like Zig Ziglar said. So Chris, I had you on the show. I guess it’s been coming up on a year ago. I lost track of time, but since that time we’ve had this crazy thing called COVID-19 come along. Corona virus. So first of all, if you would Chris share with the audience how have you been dealing with the Corona COVID-19. How’s it affected your business? And what have you done to adapt? And as your business increased, decreased or stayed the same?

Chris Prefontaine (06:25): Yeah. Thanks, Jay! It’s interesting because when this happened, so I’m going to go back to March when it started to happen. I said to my son, Nick and my son, Zach, I said, okay, I’m hoping what we built post-crash was built to what our expectations were, which was to weather all storms. It really was built to do that. And so our business has tripled and the amount of properties we’re doing as has all the students, so super happy with it, super pleased with it. It’s still, as you know, nobody knows the answer, right? The billionaires don’t know the economists don’t know. So the jury is still out, but so far, we’re just, we’re not getting by with driving. And I love to see that for the students, cause it’s almost like they had an, it’s not even, not official. It’s just a massive pump up in business.

Chris Prefontaine (07:07): I think a lot of that’s because the banks are making it very difficult for your conventional buyers, which makes it difficult for the sellers. I see that, especially in the higher end, you know, the jumbo loans over and over and over again. So I love, and I think you do too, dealing with those buyers that are truly great buyers. They just need a little bit of time. So that’s the kind of path we took since April. What do we change? Only thing we change as a team is virtual meetings every morning, cause we’re virtual, except for one day a week now. And then the, from the, from the standpoint of sellers, we started about a year and a half, probably about the time I was on your show or early, we started pivoting to virtual. Anyway, it just, now that’s overwhelmingly accepted by the sellers, whereas before it was a bit of a sell to let them know how we’re going to do things virtually. So I I’ll end that question or that answer with my son-in-law said to me the other night, we’re at dinner privately. The family. And he said, I gotta tell you, I think COVID coincidentally is one of the best things that ever happened to our company in our portfolio. So probably a little bit different answer than most people give. But that’s been, it’s been a disguised blessing for us so far.

Jay Conner (08:17): Well, when you say your son said, dad, coincidentally, I think this is a, been a blessing for us. You may or may not have heard of my definition of coincidence, but my definition of coincidence is God’s way of staying anonymous.

Chris Prefontaine (08:35): I love it!

Jay Conner (08:36): Well, your story, Chris, and your results and your experience since COVID-19 is exactly the same as mine. My business has tripled both my coaching business and my buying and selling house business. Year to date since January, of course, you know, COVID came in strong in March. I have bought and sold more houses this year than any year since I went full time back in 2003. My coaching business has skyrocketed. And I think another reason for that is because what you just said, virtual. And I really cannot tell you, I wish I could tell you. Well, I can give you part of the reason, part of the reason our real estate investing business at sky rocket is because I was, and you were prepared for the increase in business.

Jay Conner (09:34): For the all cash deals, we have plenty of private money on the shelf ready to take advantage of serving all those people and et cetera. But the, but the demand itself, I must say, I can’t, I cannot give you a definitive answer, but I’m thankful for it on both the buying and selling side. And we were prepared to take care of it. Now, your popular business model that you talk about, your strategy is a strategy that’s called the three pay day strategy. And we talked about it. Last time you were on the show, but we got a whole lot more additional new viewers and audience members since then. So from scratch, how about explaining your three day strategy or three payday strategy and what that means?

Chris Prefontaine (10:22): Yeah, so the three payday is this is on the exit. So we buy them on lease purchase or owner financing sometimes subject to, but all of our exits, almost all of our exits are going to be rent to own. And when we do that, we create the three paydays. That I know you’re familiar with, but the first payday is a nonrefundable down payment. And the second pay day is the difference between what I’m paying the underlying mortgage on that’s in the seller’s name or the seller directly, if it’s owner financing and what I’m collecting from my buyer, my buyer who needs time to get financing. That’s payday two. Payday three is the, is pretty cool because not only the cash out the mark-up and the price that we were able to achieve, but it’s also all of the principal pay down. When you start looking at principal, pay down on some of these deals, of course, the longer the term, the better, right? But when you’re talking about on financing deals, Jay, we only do on a financing deals when we buy, when they’re free and clear property. So we’re doing always principal only pay downs. And so over the course of three, four, five, seven, 10, my building 20 years, you got some massive principal pay down. So I love the three paydays. I also love the longer terms, especially during Covid.

Jay Conner (11:29): So let’s just make sure our audience understood what you just said. So you said the majority of these deals that you’re doing, the three payday strategy and those three paydays again are on the selling side when you’re selling the home they are, you’re getting the nonrefundable option fee or down payment. You’re getting positive cash flow between what you got coming in, what you got going out per month. And the third one, what’d you say the third one was?

Chris Prefontaine (12:02): Principal Pay down. And if there’s any mark-up from what we purchased to what we’re selling.

Jay Conner (12:07): Yeah. It’s just so that principal pay down means you, and then this is what I want everybody to not miss. You’re buying homes from sellers and the way you’re funding those deals, the way this third pay they have is you’re buying those houses with the seller, being your lender. The seller is your bank. The seller is taking a note back and selling to you as seller financing, or you bought it subject to the existing note. Is that right?

Chris Prefontaine (12:39): That’s correct. When they’re free and clear the seller financing, we prefer so that we can structure whatever we want for principal pay down. And the third way buying them would be lease purchase. So more of a sandwich, sandwich lease.

Jay Conner (12:51): Gotcha. So, what are the reasons, what are the benefits, why have you decided to exit with the rent to own strategy versus putting it in the MLS and cashing out?

Chris Prefontaine (13:06): Yeah, mainly it’s the three paydays Jay, but I’ll tell you a pre COVID, but certainly more so now to our earlier comments, both of us. The amount of buyers, the buyer pool for people that can’t walk in a bank today and get financing. And then especially when you get to jumbo and above is crazy. We had a guy, give you a direct example. I think it’s always easier to understand. $1.3 million house. One of our students had a buyer saw that same home had an under agreement. COVID hit, he has a 760 credit, but he didn’t have enough down at the bank. Wanted to see some ungodly amount, like two and a half year reserves, 25% down. He had like 10% down. So he, he thought he lost that house. My student picked it up. We did together. We partnered on it and this guy came out again for the same house and did a rent to own on it because we’re going to give him the two year ramp. He needs to save more money than satisfy the bank. Well, those are everywhere right now. Like the buyer pool is enormous. Prior to COVID I use the percentage of like 60% to 80% of the buyers couldn’t get financing. If you took a snapshot in time, I don’t know what the number is today, but it’s bigger. And so they need our help. And that’s the cool thing about a very healthy relationship. So to what you said earlier, if we put their interests for us, it’s a win-win. Big win-win right now, helping these people.

Jay Conner (14:24): So I’m going to ask you a question that you could actually take three days live seminar to answer. We don’t have three days. So let me just ask you to let your consciousness just flow and just answer it the best that you can from the 30,000 foot view. Here’s the question. When you and your students are talking to a potential seller, of course, all these sellers were talking about where you buy creatively on terms are off market. Clearly you’re not buying these properties in the multiple listing service they’re off market. When you are beginning a conversation and establishing rapport and getting information on the property, we know that the seller of that property in most cases, either has not considered or even thought about the possibility of selling their property on terms. They are thinking somebody just going to buy this house. So my three day seminar question is, what is your talk off? How do you convince someone to agree to sell their house on terms? Before you answer this question, Chris, I want you to explain to everybody and unpack what does it actually mean. The sell on terms. Let’s get that clear you, after you clear up black and white, easy peasy, really, what does it mean to sell on terms? How do you convince somebody to do that when they never consider doing that? And when the conversation started with them, they’re anticipating, you know, getting a check and getting all their money.

Chris Prefontaine (16:22): Yeah, absolutely. So terms to us, cause it does mean different things to different people, as you and I said off air. Terms to us is simply lease purchase, owner financing and or subject to because we combined some of these strategies. That’s what terms is to us. Those are the three areas we live in. The conversation, this, the question you asked with the convincing is by far the biggest thing we get in live trainings. So it’s not convincing. So just to clarify that, so it’s like the same reason you would go to an autobody or an attorney or an accountant because you have something you’re trying to either fix, improve or accomplish, because not always negative, especially with debt free properties, it’s not negative. They just wanted the most. So that’s, so first and foremost, I have a simple question at the beginning of the conversation. Jay, if you were to get your price, I haven’t seen your home yet, but if you were to get your price, are you open to doing that on a lease purchase or owner financing?

Chris Prefontaine (17:15): Now most say, well, I just want to sell it out. Right? And my answer is I get it. 99% of the sales I deal will say that. Of course I would want to sell tomorrow of a full price cash, and have no issues. Right. But the reality is this. Mr. Seller, you have a significant part of the buyer pool right now that can’t do that. They can’t, they can’t do, they can’t buy your home because of financing. Now that has made, it’s made even easier for me to explain with Covid. It’s even, it’s even worse for them. So that’s the conversation. And then back to the convincing, there is no convincing if they can, A. Wait for their cash, if they have any in the house, any equity left. And B. I can solve whatever issue they have. Give you some off the top of my head.

Chris Prefontaine (17:57): I’m moving to Texas. My family is already there. I want to be there for the holiday. I have two homes. I can’t keep them both during COVID. I owe about what it’s worth. I can’t afford a realtor. If there’s any motivation for selling, that makes sense for me to solve. I can solve it. As long as one of two things are in the mix. One, I need my cash right away. Two. I’m a year behind and has no equity in my house. Like those are the two things that I just can’t do anything with typically. But every other scenario, if they can wait, we can solve it with a lease purchase or owner financing or subject to. So is that, was that a condensed enough or too condensed?

Jay Conner (18:34): Yeah. Yeah. You took three days and put it in three minutes. Which is what I wanted you to do. So what would you say is a realistic percentage of people that you’re talking to. And this is putting aside those that you can’t help. Like, you know, those scenarios, you just, I mean, you know, they’re a year behind and they have no equity. You know, those do have equity. Those that, you know, the math would work if they get it and they can wait, what percentage of those people that you talk to actually end up being, you know, agreeable to selling on terms in some kind of structure?

Chris Prefontaine (19:17): Yeah. About a third. But let me clarify where the third came from. The third have already been weeded out by virtual assistants who spoke to them and they said, yeah, I’m somewhat open. Have someone call me. You know, they weren’t shutting it down totally. They could wait for their equity. So out of those that we get about a third are open to terms. Now I can’t tell you in accurate metric from April 1 to now segregated. I can just tell you ongoing. We’re about a third. So it’s a significant amount. Look, here’s a stat. This is a cool thing. I, some of us, our company and some of our students are niching down just to do owner financing, just at target free and clear properties. Well, if you look at this different stats, but if you look at the stats about a third of the property, the United States are debt free or close to it.

Chris Prefontaine (20:02): That’s a lot of properties! You don’t need to talk to many of those. These street paydays, those free and clear properties. If you get four year terms, you’re talking about six figure deals right across the board. If you get a house that’s 200 grand or higher and you get four years of more, and the principal payments, you’re talking six figures, three paydays, you don’t need to do, you know, 50 of those a year. You can go out and try and do that, but you don’t need to do that for most people. So super, super, super lucrative for both parties. If, if that’s the criteria. So probably a longer answer to your good question.

Jay Conner (20:36): That’s good. Would you say most of these sellers, you’re able to negotiate, that you do negotiate terms, they are willing to take payments or whatever. Would you say most of those are principal only payments or do some people you have to pay interest?

Chris Prefontaine (20:55): Okay, good question. So in the mix of what we do about 20% of the properties we take on our contract offering clear, and yes, we do those with principal only payments. Now there’s been a hybrid or two. I’ll give you two real examples. We did our office building and the owner is very sophisticated investor owns probably not the largest landowner, but one of the largest on Island here where we live. And so he sold me the building and he said, I want five and a half percent interest. This is a year and a half, two years ago. I said, well, you should pay principal. So here’s what we did. We both loved it from when I closed on it in November of 18, all my payments. And there were teared up payments were principal all the way until about September of 19. So as long as the shorter that is, I took that principle five 50 and had it paid down to four 90 without a penny of interest, then he advertised it at 5%. And he got his way. And I got my way. There was no way I would’ve got a 60 grand pay down in principal by doing a conventional mortgage. He knew that. And I knew that. So we both got our way. That’s one example.

Chris Prefontaine (22:01): The other way we do things is let’s say I’m three years into a four year on a financing term. This was an exact deal. And every holiday season, I send them a note or an email. And I say, look, I know you got three years left or two years left, as we click along. If I was to prepay 6,000 was in this case, it was 6,200 prepay. So take it for another day, like prepay some principal when you extend it a year. So I get another year principal pay down that’s of course, if my buyer’s not ready to cash out, it works even better. We did that two years in a row at a particular property. The third year, last Christmas, they called us and said, will you do that thing again? And I said, well, instead of that, why don’t we do this? If you guys don’t need the cash, why don’t we change your note? That’s going to be coming up next year. Why don’t we change that to an interest rate of 4.2? And why don’t we put that out 15 years for balloon? So a four year deal on a financing principal only became a five, then became a six, then became a 21 year deal. So that’s why I said earlier, you can mix and match some of these strategies depending on what the motivation is of the seller. In this case, they didn’t need the money and their account and loved it, that they were going to stack it in some interest. So we do sometimes that was another long answer, but I hope that helps.

Jay Conner (23:12): Oh, it did help because what you just explained was a real life example of the deal after the deal, after deal, after the deal.

Chris Prefontaine (23:21): Exactly.

Jay Conner (23:23): So that’s a great example of, I mean, you know, when I first heard years ago that sellers of homes of houses, of single family houses, would be willing to take a note out 15 years, I thought to myself who in the world would wait 15 years? I mean, they might be dead by then, who would wait 15 years to get their money? And I, and the light bulb finally came on to me years ago. Well, the same answer is to the site to a different question. Who in the world would be willing to sell their property and agree to leave the mortgage in their name and trust me to make the payments? The answer is the same. And the answer is, I can’t make a decision and have the same motivation as somebody else for the seller. They do things for their own reasons. I do things for my reasons and I need, and we need to let them make their choice. Right? One of the biggest mistakes I made when I started in real estate investing was making decisions for other people or deciding in my mind what I thought they would do, or they would not do. And I don’t have a clue what somebody else is going to do until I give them the choice. So my lands! Give them the choice! Right?

Chris Prefontaine (24:44): Yeah. To your last point there about making the decisions pre COVID too many of our students and us, when we first started, we’d say, if they asked us how long a term we may have come out with a term back then, like four years. Now, simply by changing how we answer that we’re getting five, seven, 10, and 20, just as easy as we were getting three to five in the simple question, when they say, how long is, if you got your number, I don’t know if you’ve got your number, what’s the longest you could see yourself going in terms? And I am pleasantly surprised. I won’t say shocked at how many sellers are programmed to say things like, well, I wouldn’t go up 30, like a regular mortgage, but I might go up 20 or might go upto 10, like automatically they do. And so it took us four or five years to figure that one out, but all the students, new students now. So you think we would have had to pick it out first. New students, as soon as we told them that technique thought that was normal. And they’re getting those longterm,

Jay Conner (25:38): Chris, you’re the expert on terms. I’m the expert on private money. But I got a question for you and your students to play with, and I want to hear how it goes. So the question that you just said was, well, what’s the longest you could go? I would love to play with this question. And that question would be, well when they say, well, you know, how long have I got to go? I might ask them, well, how many years would you like to continue receiving monthly income?

Chris Prefontaine (26:15): I love it! in to the point!

Jay Conner (26:15): Well, I don’t, whatever. I don’t want to ever stop getting monthly income.

Chris Prefontaine (26:20): No, I love that one. Thank you for the share.

Jay Conner (26:23): So anyway, it just came. It may be a stupid idea, but I don’t know sometimes what I think stupid works and vice versa. So, so the next question. You talk about operating. In the midst of this current chaos, you talk about operating in the perfect triangle. What does that mean? What is the perfect triangle that you talk about?

Chris Prefontaine (26:50): Yeah. I thought of this right when Covid hit and literally I moved home to the home office here. And that was, we’ve got a really cool community, like really a family environment in the office and amongst our community. So I said this, if we can all attach ourselves to one side of triangle, a cause, just a cause. Like a major mission, like right now, because of the chaos, sellers and buyers are some of them afraid, but all of them need a guide. They’re like screaming for help. And in some cases, literally don’t know, should I sell, can I sell? Does this work? So find a cause that can, then the second piece of the triangle actually affect lives, like affect them, generationally affect them. That’s what we’re doing.

Chris Prefontaine (27:32): We’re going to affect generationally. These people that thought they couldn’t buy or sell. And that’s going to forever be in their family. And then third. And in affecting our lives as well. And then third piece of the triangle is to get paid, to do it. So find a cause. Go out and affect lives positively, including your own. And then get paid to do it. I don’t think that triangle has ever been so prevalent because of the chaos right now, because of the need for a guide and someone to like take them by the hand. There was a major survey done, Jay, I’m going to forget the name. One of my mentors told me about it. They do a trust survey every year. It’s not cause of COVID. They happen to do it right around covid. But the number one thing with sellers and buyers was this trust factor. Like they just want a guy that they can trust and that perfect triangle is where we could camp out.

Jay Conner (28:18): So beautiful way to describe win-win-win. Final question, Chris. For this show. And that is given your experience. We’ve had COVID come along both you and I lived through 2008, 2009. I mean, you’ve been doing this real estate investing thing for 30 years, yourself and your family. What’s the best advice you can give today on how to prepare to handle the next recession. When’s the next recession? Well, if we, any of us knew that we could retire today.

Chris Prefontaine (28:56): You wouldn’t be yet.

Jay Conner (28:58): Is there going to be another recession? Of course. Is it going to be another stock market crash? Of course. You know, it’s cycle cycle, cycle cycle. So what do we need to do to prepare?

Chris Prefontaine (29:11): Sure. I mean, I could go a couple different directions here, personal and business, but let’s go business first. I will personally tell you my opinion, never, ever, ever sign personally on a bank piece of paper, pledging your assets. That’s my opinion, except for maybe an exception of your own home. I could see that working, but you could still buy that on terms as my family members have. So that’s number one. Don’t sign personally. Number two. So then you’re not worrying about if,if,if,if,if. That they’re going to come knocking if the market drops. Okay. Number two. Hang out with someone that weather the storms, Jay, you said you and I have gone through ’08. I went through ’08. I went through 9/11, like you did. I went through my son’s accident where he was put in a coma and that was an overnight shot. You know, all these things beat us up, but they also weathered us because unfortunately success without the, those trials and tribulations, their rotten teacher, they really are.

Chris Prefontaine (30:01): So if you’re going to do anything in real estate, just hang out with someone that weathered a few storms, that’s the way to do it. Just don’t deviate. There’s no reason to reinvent the wheel. And then lastly, on a personal note, pre ’08, I know I would have no problem, no problem whatsoever. Having a personal residence that had there was leverage 70, 80, 90% of it. I would have no problem doing it until you said, Oh, that’s normal. I have good rate. And I’m in real estate. I will tell you if you can live on 50% or less of your income and never have to be in that debt or leveraged position, you will also sleep better. So if you could tell all of these are based on my way, crashing, not needing to sleep at night. When I put my head in the pillow, I want to know that everything’s fine. And so that’s a smidgeling of what I would tell people to do.

Jay Conner (30:48): Awesome advice, Chris. Awesome advice. So Chris, I know that the audience wants to stay connected with you. So how can folks further the conversation and stay connected and get plugged into Chris Prefontaine?

Chris Prefontaine (31:03): Sure. Thanks, Jay! They can go to SmartRealEstateCoach.com There’s if they don’t mind listening to me babble for another 45 or so minutes, there’s a free webinar there. It’s content rich. It’s not going to teach how to make a million dollars. It’s going to expose you to some more information on what is possible for you. And then if you want, we can actually, I’ll probably get a, I’ll get a spanking for this one, but I’ll offer a free strategy call for anyone that wants to talk, especially with Covid here. Just go to SmartRealEstateCoach.com/Action. That’s all. They’ll just ask you if you’ve done deals. If you haven’t done deals, no wrong answer. Allows myself or my son, Zach, to help you out with a free strategy call. No ties, no hooks. We’ll get on 15 minutes. We’ll make it well worth your time.

Jay Conner (31:46): That’s awesome. Well, thank you so much, Chris and parting comments.

Chris Prefontaine (31:53): I said some of them in the interview, cause you, your questions were just spot on. I don’t care what niche you’re looking at. You and I have both advocates of exposing all niches. We both do that on our podcast. I love that. So, find an issue and get behind. I’m not so naive to think it’s mine. I’m sure Jay feels the same way. Find one you can get behind. Secondly, find someone in there that has weathered a few storms. And third don’t deviate for three years. Like just don’t. Don’t get the shiny object syndrome. You’ll have a great experience with that simple formula.

Jay Conner (32:19): I love it! Chris, thank you so much for joining me on the show!

Chris Prefontaine (32:22): Thanks for having me, buddy. Good to see you.

Jay Conner (32:24): Absolutely. And, thank you! My audience for tuning in to another episode of Real Estate Investing with Jay Conner. And I’m so glad you were here. Be sure to tune in for the next show. Here’s to taking your real estate investing business to the next level. I’m Jay Conner, The Private Money Authority. And we’ll see you then. Bye for now.

[rulesofthebeneath]

Hey guys!! 

Here’s the new thing I’ve been writing! I hope y’all enjoy lmao this started as a dumb idea but now I’ve been really emotionally invested in it. I’m gonna try to post about twice a week. Let me know what you think, please!!! Tags: @abunchofbadchoices, @mrsbhandari, @lilmissperfectlyimperfect 

The first time he’d ever told anyone, it was his first boyfriend, and he was met with a sarcastic snort.

“Come on, ‘Jay. That’s just what gay guys say when they’re scared to come out all the way. You can’t be both gay and straight, you have to choose.”

He was fourteen, and had no idea what to make of any of his feelings, much less the weird ones that made his heart beat faster and made butterflies storm his stomach. So he accepted that, and listened to Jake, who was older and wiser than him.

“Are you sure?” he’d asked.

“Yeah. Wait, ‘Jay, do you not like me anymore?”

“What? Of course I do.”

“Oh, good. I was scared you were trying to break up. But I don’t know why you’d say something as crazy as that. You know you can always talk to me, okay?”

Ajay nodded, but deep inside he sincerely doubted that. In retrospect, it was the first of several red flags that had led to a less-than-happy ending for him and Jake.

The next people he told were his parents. As far as Indian parents went, they were pretty open-minded, and hadn’t really cared about him liking guys. He’d even been able to bring home boyfriends or school dance dates without making too many waves with his parents. They didn’t really understand why he couldn’t just date a nice girl, but they loved him anyways, and he knew he was lucky.

But when he’d said he liked both guys and girls, he was met with polite parental confusion.

“What? But you only go out with boys, putra,” his mom had said. “You’ve never brought a girl home. How do you know you like both, hm?”

It was an excellent point. Ajay couldn’t explain how he knew he liked girls, just like he couldn’t explain why he liked guys. But he just did.

His father shook his head. “No, no, no. You’ll have to choose someday. You don’t have to hide yourself and pretend you like girls just to make us happy. You know we love you.”

Ajay hadn’t even known how to respond to that one, so he’d just nodded and excused himself from dinner. He’d never brought it up again.

He’d posted anonymously on a forum for gay youth that he’d found, but hadn’t recieved much other than “that’s not real”, “you can’t like both”, “you have to choose”, “so you’re a cheater?” and “you’re just saying that because you’re scared of committing to life as a gay guy”.

It wasn’t long before he’d just logged out completely, questioning himself. Did he just think he was attracted to girls because he felt like he had to be? Because society said guys were supposed to like girls? Was it true that he was scared of being gay, because of all the homophobia he’d have to face? Especially as a second-generation Indian, he was expected to life the perfect heterosexual American lifestyle, getting a good job and having two or three kids and making his family back in India proud of their success story. Even though his parents knew he was gay and didn’t care, nobody else in his family knew. He hated to think what they’d say about him if they did. They already talked smack about Ajay’s only openly gay cousin, Aditya, and Ajay knew he was basically dead to the family.

So was he just pretending he liked girls to escape the full ramifications of being gay? It was possible, he thought, but probably not. He’d never had a girlfriend or even been on a date with a girl, but that was due to an unfortunate outing incident orchestrated by his ex (another of those red flags he’d ignored).

Despite the fact that he was outed, though, he’d found a group of friends who had thoroughly supported him. Rory, in all of their genderfluid nonbinary aro/ace glory, Clint and Natalie whose sexualities seemed to be oriented towards whichever gender Rory presented as on a given day, Skye who was a goth sapphic icon, James who was the token straight ally, Trevor who was so deep in the closet that Ajay doubted he’d come out this century, then two mysteries.

One was Erin, Ajay’s longtime best friend. He knew she liked guys, but he didn’t know if she only liked guys or if she liked other genders too. He wasn’t about to ask, though, because asking her would lead to her asking him, and he wasn’t quite prepared for that.

The other was Grace, James’ twin sister. As far as James was known as a heartbreaker, Grace didn’t appear to have dated anybody. Or at least, she didn’t talk about it and neither James nor Rory, who’d known her since childhood, said anything about it either. And again, he wasn’t about to ask because of the possibility of the awkward return question.

All his friends would pick on him, good-naturedly, about just how gay he was– how he always dressed sharp, his hair was always neatly combed and occasionally slicked back with gel, how he liked theatre way more than a straight guy could ever, the fact that he couldn’t do math, how his best friend was a girl, his taste for iced lattes, his distaste for anything athletic. Erin had even caught him doing a facemask one morning, and had teased the living hell out of him for it. Ajay didn’t see the big deal– he just wanted to keep his skin clear– but was willing to accept that basic hygiene and skincare were not something that straight men typically did.

It was all in good fun, and Ajay knew that, and he would even laugh along with his friends when they pointed that stuff out. It was funny, he could admit that. And he was gay— that was the only part of his sexuality that was easy for him to admit. He’d found comfort in that label, even though it wasn’t the full story.

In all honesty, he was scared to be openly bisexual. Coming out as gay to his parents after being forcibly outed at school was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do, and he couldn’t imagine doing it again. And how would he explain that he liked both guys and girls? He’d seen what they said on TV and in the movies, even in some books. Bisexuals are promiscuous, bisexuals are cheaters, all bisexuals choose to be either gay or straight eventually. It’s just a phase.

In previous years, in weaker moments, he’d wished he could just be gay. After a particularly disastrous encounter with a girl named Kelly and his very unfortunate crush on her, he’d cursed himself for liking girls when everyone knew he was gay. He tried to convince himself to be gay, to just only like guys, but it never took.

It never took, and it was one of the reasons he resented Rory, who was unapologetically themself. Rory didn’t care what people said, and either way they weren’t interested in dating. Rory had it good, anyways. They had parents who loved them, accepted them unconditionally, and had even thrown them a coming out party. They were just a far braver person than Ajay was, and Ajay wished he could have their accepting family and their confidence and just be who he was.

Ajay sat down heavily at the lunch table, having gotten there surprisingly early. Rory sat there, picking at their lunch absent-mindedly while scrolling through their phone. Grace sat beside them, twirling her hair around her finger and completely ignoring her lunch in favor of staring at something across the cafeteria. Ajay followed her line of sight but only saw the new poster advertising their spring musical, The Tempest.

Grace had snagged the lead role of Miranda after making her high school theatre debut as the lead in their fall play. It was her sophomore year, after she and her brother transferred from a school in Seattle when her parents decided to move back to their hometown and start their own business, a small diner called the Golden Griddle. Grace herself was an impressive actor, and even though Ajay didn’t want to admit it, she was an impressive person as well.

She turned her head as if snapping out of a trance, looking towards Ajay.

“Hey,” she greeted him. “Just checking out the new posters. I didn’t see them before.”

That’s right, Ajay reminded himself. Of course she might not have seen them until now. She had been noticeably absent from rehearsal yesterday, where Skye and Mr. Olsen had presented the new posters and the entire group had spent the last half-hour putting them up all over the school. It hadn’t been a huge deal- there were plenty of scenes that needed blocking, and Ajay had just had Skye stand in for Grace where it was needed. But he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t concerned, especially since he’d seen her twin heading home from soccer practice.

“Yeah, we put them up during rehearsal yesterday.”

“About that,” she started, looking uneasy. “I’m sorry I didn’t come to rehearsal yesterday. I… wasn’t feeling well, and I had to go home early.”

Ajay furrowed his brows. Grace looked so uncomfortable while she was saying that that it was obvious it was a lie, or at least not the entire truth. He wanted to ask her about it, but then James loudly sat down beside her, chatting with Erin, and he dropped it. Grace looked relieved at her brother’s interruption. Ajay shook it off– it didn’t really matter anyways. But he was worried all the same.

“Stop pouting,” Erin interjected,shooting him a ferocious glare. He was so surprised that the frown slipped off his face, causing the whole table to break out into giggles. Even Grace, which eased the worry a little. He shot a fake glare Erin’s way, then had to dodge another glare.

Skye, Natalie, Clint and Trevor showed up not long after, and Rory finally looked up from their phone.

“Hey,” they said. “How was everyone’s morning?”

Skye groaned. “Math test. Kill me now, before my parents see my grades.”

Grace rolled her eyes. “You know you got this, Skye. You knew everything on that test when we were studying last night.”

“Test anxiety is a bitch, though,” Trevor added. He prodded Skye’s shoulder. “I get it. We can’t all be the modern-day Einstein.”

“I resent that,” Grace mumbled, though a small smile remained on her face.

“I signed up to take the SAT at the end of the year,” Erin interjected. “I’m starting SAT prep tutoring this weekend. Three hours on both days.

The entire table except Ajay cringed. “Me too,” he admitted. “I’m gonna need a lot of help if I want a good score on the math section. I can’t make heads or tails of some of this trig stuff.”

Privately, he’d been thinking of asking Grace to help him out after rehearsal. She was already helping Skye on weekends, and though he couldn’t pay her like Skye’s parents could, he thought he’d offer to buy her dinner if she agreed. But that thought remained stuck inside his head, some part of him inexplicably nervous about being alone with her.

While he was caught up in his thoughts, wondering why the girl made him nervous and furiously trying to ignore that part of him, the conversation at the table had continued on without him. James jabbed Grace with his elbow and she jabbed him back. Erin and Rory talked about the college application process, Erin admitting that she wouldn’t be trying for any BFA Drama programs. Clint and Natalie hung on to Rory’s every word, echoing their indignation that Erin wouldn’t pursue drama in higher education. Skye and Trevor talked about set design, Skye even whipping out her sketchbook to add in some details.

By the time Ajay regained attention of the conversation around him, triggered by Erin asking him about that week’s rehearsal schedule, Grace had already zoned back out of the conversation, staring at the poster again. Ajay frowned again. What was up with her?

“Earth to Ajay”, Erin said. “We were arguing over which team was better, softball or soccer. What do you think?”

Ajay quirked an eyebrow. “Erin, I don’t do sports.”

“I don’t know why not. They’re fun! Even just to watch.”

“You know full well I have a complete aversion to any physical activity. But I guess if I had to choose, I’d say soccer.”

Erin nodded knowingly, a smirk playing on her lips. “I can see that. Scoping out the hot guys, are we?”

Ajay sighed “Sure,” he said, trying to sound as defeated as possible. Erin knew how he’d dated Jake a while ago, and he was now the team captain in his senior year at Berry. Erin had a theory that he still held a torch for the guy, though, which couldn’t be further from the truth. The only games he went to anymore were the ones that the whole theatre group went to with Grace to support James. Even though James wasn’t cast in the musical, he was an honorary part of the crew, having stepped in with his calm demeanor during various theatre emergencies. Everyone liked the guy– it was impossible not to– and they made up the loudest group on the bleachers cheering for him.

The only reason Ajay still liked soccer was because it was the only sport he understood. Jake had made sure he’d known everything about soccer, talking about it constantly. Ajay knew his ex planned to play pro soccer in Europe after graduation. Ajay had grown into a soft spot for the game that didn’t end when his relationship with Jake had.

The bell rang to signal that lunch was over, and everyone got up except Ajay and Grace. Ajay, because he was still reeling over the exchange, and Grace, because she was still lost in space, staring at that poster.

“Hey,” he said to her, barely able to make himself heard over the chatter in the cafeteria. “You okay?”

Grace’s eyes snapped to Ajay’s, looking startled for a half-second. “Oh, yeah, just distracted,” she said unconvincingly. She started to gather her stuff, and Ajay echoed her.

He fell into the crowd beside her, trying to make their way through into the hallway. Ajay screwed up all his courage to ask her about tutoring, because he really did need that extra math help.

“Hey, so, I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with my math stuff? I’ll be working on the SAT problems on the weekends but I’m falling dangerously behind in class again. I can’t really pay you but I can buy you dinner or something?”

Grace looked over, a little surprised. “Oh, yeah, sure. You don’t need to buy me dinner, though. I don’t charge my friends.”

“You don’t? But don’t Skye’s parents pay you?”

Grace looked a little embarrassed. “They insisted, and I tried to resist but Skye told me it was just a drop in the bucket for them. So really, I don’t need anything.”

“If you’re sure,” Ajay said. “But if there is anything I can do to repay you, I’ll do it.”

Grace paused for a moment. “Um… if you could help me with English it would be great. I don’t know what any of these old British writers are saying.”

“Sure, that stuff can be hard to digest. Sounds like a good deal for me.”

“Alright. Think we could hit up a coffee shop or a fast food place or something, say twice a week after rehearsal?”

Ajay nodded. “Thanks, Grace.”

“No, thank you,” she smiled. “See you at rehearsal.” Then she ducked her head and disappeared into the crowd.